Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Genesis 1,Gen. 8:22,Ps. 90:10,Job 1:13–19,Acts 9:1–22,Phil. 1:6,Rom.8:1.
Memory Text: “To everything there is a season, a time for everypurpose under heaven”(Ecclesiastes 3:1, NKJV).
Some of the most beautiful poetry ever penned came from KingSolomon: “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time toplant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a timeto heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep,and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to castaway stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a timeto refrain from embracing; a time to gain, and a time to lose; a time tokeep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a timeto keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time of war, and a time of peace”(Eccles. 3:1–8, NKJV).
Those words capture so much of human existence—the seasons, therhythms of our lives. Yes, our lives go through stages, through changes,and they do so from the moment we are born. Sometimes the changesare good, sometimes not; sometimes we have control over them; sometimes not. This week let’s look at the seasons and rhythms of our lives,especially as they impact us and our families, too.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, April 6.
The Bible begins at the beginning, which is no doubt why it begins withthe words (actually one word in the Hebrew) “In the beginning . . .”(Gen.1:1). The particular focus of the chapter, of course, is the transformationof the earth from a state of being “without form, and void”(Gen. 1:2) tothe world that God Himself, on the sixth day, declared “very good”(Gen.1:31). In short, the beginning here is the beginning of our world.
Read Genesis 1. Though so much is going on, ask yourself the question: Is there any hint of randomness or chance, or is everythingdone in a very orderly manner, with everything in its proper timeand place? What does your answer say about the character of God?
Ellen G. White wrote that “order is Heaven’s first law” (Signs of theTimes, June 8, 1908); apparently it is on earth, as well. Though sinhas disrupted the natural world, to some degree, order, rhythm, andregularity still exist.
ReadGenesis 8:22. How is order seen here, as well?
Even after the Fall, the seasons come and go in an orderly fashion—generally. Hence, along with the lights in the sky (i.e., the sun andmoon, which are to “ ‘divide the day from the night . . . for signs andseasons, and for days and years’ ”[Gen. 1:14, NKJV]), there are theseasons, as well, all part of the natural rhythm of the world that Godhas created. And, though we get only glimpses now, a verse such asIsaiah 66:23 implies that in the new heavens and new earth the sense ofrhythm will, indeed, exist then, too.
Think about how the Sabbath, in a powerfully regular way,impacts your life, especially your family life, whatever it is. Whatare the distinct advantages, not just of the Sabbath, but in the factthat it does come with such regularity?
Scientists talk about something called circadian rhythms, the ideathat there are biological rhythms (sometimes called “body clocks”)that regulate function in our bodies. In other words, a certain degreeof regularity exists even within our bodies themselves. Hence, to somedegree, rhythms exist all around and even in us.
What are the predictable seasons of life mentioned in the followingpassages of Scripture, and how do they directly tie into family life?
Between the two bookends of life, birth and death, we all go through avariety of seasons, different for each individual. Some children don’t livelong after their birth; others grow into adults who live to a ripe old age.Children grow and develop at their own rate. Some walk or talk soonerthan others. Some will be able to attend school and grow up to be professionals, while others will devote their time to other forms of work. Somewill have families, and others may never marry or have children.
There are billions of people on earth, and though we all have muchin common (see Acts 17:26), each one of us is an individual, and thus,differences will exist in each one of our lives.
In a sense, too, these differences are important because they makeeach one of us unique, which means each one of us has something toshare that others don’t have. In short, our differences allow us to be ablessing to others. For instance, both young and old can benefit fromwhat each offers the other: “The glory of young men is their strength,and the splendor of old men is their gray head” (Prov. 20:29, NKJV).Whatever stage we are in, and no matter our differences, we all havesomething to offer, not just to the Lord but to each other, as well.
Whatever your life circumstances happen to be right now, whatcan you do to be a blessing to someone else? Why not make aconscious effort to be that blessing, especially to someone in yourfamily?
Read Job 1:13–19, 2:7–9. What happened to Job? In what ways doeshis experience reflect what happens to everyone, in one way oranother, or at one time or another?
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus declared that “there is nothingpermanent except change.” Just when it seems that everything is goingfine, the unexpected happens. It may be the loss of a job or a limb,an illness that sends us to bed or to an early death, a house fire, a caraccident, a fall while walking the family pet.
Of course, not all changes have to be negative. Maybe a promotion atwork leads to better economic conditions. Or perhaps you meet someone who will become your spouse, a change that many would welcome.
Either way, we can be going along, even in a routine, a rhythm, when,instantly and unexpectedly, it’s all disrupted.
Job was certainly not expecting the new season in his life. The Bibledescribes him as a man who was “blameless and upright, and one whofeared God and shunned evil” (Job 1:1, NKJV). Also, we know thathe was married, had seven sons and three daughters, and was verywealthy (Job 1:2, 3). By the time we reach the middle of the book, hehas suffered at least six major losses: his property, his labor force, hischildren, his health, the support of his wife, and the encouragement ofhis friends. His world has been turned upside down and his family lifedevastated.
Though what happened to Job was quite extreme, who among ushasn’t experienced the unexpected in a very negative way? Life can begoing along just fine when, suddenly and without warning, everythingcompletely changes, and our lives—and our family’s lives—mightnever be the same again.
This is nothing new. Abel probably didn’t expect to be murdered,and Joseph didn’t exactly expect to be sold into slavery in Egypt. Inboth stories, family members were the betrayers, and in both stories thefamilies were greatly impacted by what happened to the other members. Scripture is full of examples of people whose lives, and families,were greatly transformed by the unexpected.
How has your faith helped you amid the trials that unexpectedlyinterrupted the rhythms of your life?
The fact is that human beings are often creatures of habit. And wedo, indeed, get set in our ways, and the older we get, the harder it is tochange those ways.
Indeed, we don’t change easily. How many wives have complainedover the years, “I’ve tried to change my husband, but . . .”?
However, God is in the business of changing us, if not so much ourpersonalities, certainly our characters. That’s so much of what the planof salvation is about: God making us into new people in Him.
What great change happened to Saul of Tarsus, and how did it happen? Acts 8:1, 3; 9:1–22; Gal. 1:15–17.
“As Saul yielded himself fully to the convicting power of the HolySpirit, he saw the mistakes of his life and recognized the far-reachingclaims of the law of God. He who had been a proud Pharisee, confidentthat he was justified by his good works, now bowed before God withthe humility and simplicity of a little child, confessing his own unworthiness and pleading the merits of a crucified and risen Saviour. Saullonged to come into full harmony and communion with the Father andthe Son; and in the intensity of his desire for pardon and acceptance heoffered up fervent supplications. . . .
“The prayers of the penitent Pharisee were not in vain. The inmostthoughts and emotions of his heart were transformed by divine grace;and his nobler faculties were brought into harmony with the eternal purposes of God. Christ and His righteousness became to Saul more than thewhole world.”—Ellen G. White, The Acts of the Apostles, pp. 119, 120.
Even if our own conversion stories are nowhere near as dramatic asSaul’s, we should all have our story, an experience of how the Lord hasworked in our lives to change us, to make us into the kind of people weknow we should be. Yes, the process can be long, and at times it’s easyto wonder if we are ever going to change. At times like these, two Bibletexts are so crucial to meditate on and to claim for oneself.
Read Philippians 1:6 and Romans 8:1. What two great promisesare found in those texts, and how do they fit together in the experience of a Christian?
The Bible is a book of relationships. God created us to be in relationship with others. Indeed, very few of us live in complete isolation. Forstarters, none of us could even come into existence but for others. Evenafter birth, we need others to take care of us, at least until a certain agewhen, in principle at least, we could exist on our own. And even if wecould, who would want to? Most of us need and crave the company andcompanionship of other human beings. Though pets, such as dogs, can bedelightful companions, in the end the deepest and most meaningful andlife-changing interactions come through other people. No wonder, then,that the family, and family relationships, are so crucial to our existence.
Because most of us do interact, often all the time, with others, theseinteractions can and often do impact the changes and rhythms of ourlives. They work two ways, though: others, in their interactions with us,impact our lives. We, meanwhile, in our interactions with others canimpact their lives. And whether we realize it or not (and many timeswe don’t), those interactions, in either direction, can be either for goodor for evil. How crucial then for us to be proactive at all times, so thatour inevitable influence on others is always for the good, especiallyon those with whom we are closest, which are usually our own familymembers.
Read the following texts. What do they tell us to do in our interactionswith others? Rom. 15:7; Eph. 4:2, 32; 1 Thess. 3:12; James 5:16.
In many ways, the principle is simple. If we act nicely, kindly, andcompassionately toward others, we will be a positive influence uponthem, even to the point where we could change their lives in a verypositive way. Just as Jesus changes people’s lives in a very positivemanner, what a privilege for us to do something similar for others, aswell. Again, we must remember: our influence is going to be either forgood or for evil, even in subtle ways. And nowhere is this influence,subtle or not, more pronounced than in our families.
Look at the two following statements of Jesus: Luke 11:34 andMark 4:24, 25. What are they saying about the importance ofhow we interact with others?
Friday April 5
Further Thought: Imagine the changes that occurred in the life ofChrist’s disciples as they spent time with Him. They were mostly uneducated, simple people, accustomed to the teachings and traditions of theirJewish faith, but now they were being challenged by the Galilean Rabbi.They experienced jealousy (Matt. 20:20–24) and conflict (John 3:25); theyseemed to lack faith (Mark 9:28, 29), and they even abandoned (Matt. 26:56)and betrayed Jesus (Matt. 26:69–74). At the same time, they were growingspiritually so that people recognized Peter had been with Jesus (Matt. 26:73),and even the members of the Sanhedrin marveled when they perceived thatPeter and John were “uneducated and untrained men. . . . They realized thatthey had been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13, NKJV).
Think, too, about the incredibly positive impact we could have inour families if we lived in such a way that when other members of ourfamily see us, they know that we have “been with Jesus.”
What do these words from Ellen G. White have to say about influences in the home? “The home may be plain, but it can always be aplace where cheerful words are spoken and kindly deeds are done,where courtesy and love are abiding guests.”—The Adventist Home,p. 18.
Discussion Questions:
1 Read Ecclesiastes 3:1–8. What are these verses saying, and howcan you apply the principle there to your own life and experiences?
2 In class, talk about some of the life-changing experiences thatyou have been through, and talk about the lessons you learned and,if applicable, the lessons you should have learned. What did youlearn from the lessons that you didn’t know? Also, talk about howthese life-changing experiences impacted your family. What lessonsdid you learn in these situations, too?
3 What are the ways you live today that, were it not for Christin your life, would be radically different from what they are now?What should that tell you about the power of Christ to change us?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Eph. 1:1–4; Matt. 22:35–37;7:24, 25; Prov. 18:24; 1 Cor. 15:33; Eccles. 2:1–11.
Memory Text: “And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choosefor yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods whichyour fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or thegods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and myhouse, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15, NKJV).
Ever notice that life is full of choices? In fact, one could argue thatin many ways, what we do all day, from the moment we get upuntil we go to bed, is make choices. We make so many choicesthat often we don’t even think about them. We just make them.
Some choices are simple and even become routine, while others arelife-changing and have eternal consequences, not only for us but evenfor our own families.
Hence, how crucial that we think through our choices, especially thebig ones, the ones that can impact us and our families for the rest of notonly our own lives but our family members’ lives, as well.
How many of us, to this day, regret choices we have made? Howmany, to this day, live with the wreckage from wrong choices madelong ago? Fortunately, there is forgiveness. There is redemption, andthere is healing, even for the worst of decisions.
This week, we will look in a very broad way at the question of thechoices we make, how we should make them, and what impact thesechoices can have on ourselves and our families.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, April 13.
Some Christians believe that God has chosen, even before a personwas born, whether or not that person will be saved. That is, those whoin the end are lost eternally are lost because God, in His wisdom (thistheology claims), made that choice for this person to be lost. Whichmeans, then, that regardless of their choices, that person will be condemned.
Fortunately, as Seventh-day Adventists, we don’t ascribe to thattheology. Instead, we believe that God has chosen for all of us to besaved—and that even before the world began, we were chosen in Himto have eternal life.
Read Ephesians 1:1–4; Titus 1:1, 2; and 2 Timothy 1:8, 9. What dothese verses tell us about being chosen by God and when we werechosen?
However good this news, some people will still be lost (Matt. 25:41).And that’s because, though God has chosen us all, He has given humansa most sacred gift, and that is free will, free choice.
What does Matthew 22:35–37 teach about free will?
The Lord does not force us to love Him. Love, in order to be love, hasto be freely given. In many ways, one could argue that the Bible is thestory of God reaching out to lost human beings and seeking, withoutcoercion, to win their hearts to Himself. This reality can best be seen inthe life and ministry of Jesus, and how people—using their free will—reacted to Him. Some were drawn to Him; others wanted Him dead.
Yes, God has chosen us for salvation, but, in the end, we have to makethe choice to accept that salvation. There is no question that of all thechoices we have to make, the choice to serve the Lord is, by far, themost consequential for us and for those who are impacted (such as ourimmediate family) by our life and the choices that we make in it.
We all know very well the importance of the choices we make. Andwe all know, too, how wrong choices can very negatively impact ourlives and the lives of others. The question is, How can we know how tomake the right choices?
The following verses give us some general steps that can help us in ourquest to make the right decisions. What are these steps?
5. Prov. 15:22, 24:6
In every important decision we make, how crucial that we go to theLord in prayer, that we make sure our choice will not lead us to violateGod’s law in any way—or even the principles in His Word. How crucial that we trust in God, that we surrender our choice to Him; that is,we must pray that the choices we make will glorify Him and that weare ready to surrender our own desires if they go against His plan forour lives. Many times, too, wise counselors can be a great help as weseek to make choices. In the end, we can have great assurance knowingthat God loves and wants what’s best for us, and that if we in faith andhumility surrender our lives to Him, we can move ahead in faith on thechoices we make.
How do you go about making big choices in your life? What, ifany, spiritual steps do you take in seeking to make these choices?
One of the most important choices we’ll ever make is our friends.Most of the time we don’t set out to make friends; often friendshipssimply develop naturally as we spend time with people who enjoy someof the same things we do.
What principles in choosing friends do we find in the following verses?Prov. 12:26; 17:17; 18:24; 22:24, 25.
Proverbs 18:24 says that if we want to have friends, we must befriendly. Sometimes people find themselves alone, but their morose,negative attitude is what drives others away. “Even the best of us havethese unlovely traits; and in selecting friends we should choose thosewho will not be driven away from us when they learn that we are notperfect. Mutual forbearance is called for. We should love and respectone another notwithstanding the faults and imperfections that wecannot help seeing; for this is the Spirit of Christ. Humility and selfdistrust should be cultivated, and a patient tenderness with the faults ofothers. This will kill out all narrowing selfishness and make us largehearted and generous.”—Ellen G. White, Pastoral Ministry, p. 95.
One of the best-known stories of friendship is that between David andJonathan. Had Saul, Israel’s first king and Jonathan’s father, been faithfuland obedient, his kingdom might have lasted for several generations, andJonathan could have been the successor to his throne. When Saul provedunworthy of his call, God chose David as the new king of Israel, thusdisqualifying Jonathan for what otherwise should have been rightfullyhis. Here we have a powerful example of how the wrong choices of onefamily member (Saul) impacted another family member (Jonathan).
But Jonathan was not angry or jealous of David. Instead, he chose tohelp David by protecting him from the anger of his own father, Saul.“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan lovedhim as his own soul” (1 Sam. 18:1, NKJV). What a powerful exampleof true friendship.
“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits’ ” (1 Cor.15:33, NKJV). What has been your own experience with friends,even those who might have meant you no harm but who endedup harming you anyway? How can wrong choices in friendshipshurt family relationships?
If you’re supposed to choose your friends carefully, you must be evenmore careful when it comes to choosing your future spouse. Adamwas very blessed that God designed his life companion with His ownhands and from within himself. Adam’s choice was easy since Eve wasnot just the only woman, but the perfect woman. The rest of us have amore difficult time, since none of us is perfect and we have many morepeople to choose from.
Because this decision is so important, God has not left us withoutguidance in this area of our lives. Besides all the important steps welooked at in Monday’s study, there are some more specific steps to follow in considering the question of marriage (we will look at the wholequestion of marriage more carefully in lesson 6). Indeed, outside of thechoice to serve the Lord, the question of a spouse will almost always bethe most consequential choice anyone makes in their lives.
What very general guidance is found in the following texts that couldand should be applied to someone seeking the right partner in marriage? Ps. 37:27, Ps. 119:97, 1 Cor. 15:33, James 1:23–25.
Besides looking for the right person to marry, be the right personfirst. “ ‘Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also tothem, for this is the Law and the Prophets’ ” (Matt. 7:12, NKJV).Someone could find a great potential spouse who has all the qualitiesone would want, but if the one who wants good qualities in the otherlacks them himself or herself, problems will arise.
This is not new—and is certainly seen not only in marriage but in lifein general. Paul spends a great deal of time in the opening of Romanstalking to those who condemn others for doing what they, the onescondemning, also are guilty of. Or, as Jesus said: “ ‘And why do youlook at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank inyour own eye?’ ” (Matt. 7:3, NKJV).
How often do you find yourself wishing others (your spouse, perhaps) had traits that, in fact, you lack yourself? Think about it.
Thursday April 11
Choosing a Course
At some point, we have to make the choice about what we want to dowith our lives in terms of a job or career. Unless independently wealthyor working full-time at home taking care of the house and family (themost noble of all occupations), many people have to choose a path asfar as earning a living goes.
Of course, we all exist in certain circumstances that can, to a greatdegree, limit our choices regarding a career. But within whatever spherewe exist, we can make choices regarding our occupation that, especiallyin the context of knowing that we have salvation in Jesus Christ, cangive our lives added meaning and purpose. In short, whatever we do,we can do for the glory of God.
What mistake did Solomon make, and how can we be careful not to dosomething similar? Eccles. 2:1–11.
We don’t need to be rich to get caught up in the same trap thatSolomon did. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil,for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, andpierced themselves through with many sorrows” (1 Tim. 6:10, NKJV).One can be poor and love money just as much as someone does whois rich.
Yes, we need to earn a living, but regardless of what we do or howmuch we make, we need not make the pursuit of wealth an idol. Manyfamilies, too, have suffered because of a father who, obsessed withmaking money, neglected the family in order to try to get rich. Howmany children, or spouses, would have preferred a humbler lifestyleover an impoverished relationship with the father? In most cases,people would have preferred the former over the latter.
From Creation, God planned for work to be part of life (Gen. 2:15).The danger is when we make our work the center of our life, or itbecomes a means of solely acquiring wealth for ourselves. This is themistake Solomon made. He was searching for meaning in those projects, and even though many brought him a degree of satisfaction, at theend he figured out that they were meaningless.
Someone once asked: “How many people, at the end of their lives,wished they had spent more time in the office and less time withtheir family?” What’s the important message in this question?
Friday April 12
Further Thought: All through Scripture, we are confronted withthe reality of human free will. Even the unfallen Adam and Eve (Genesis3) had free will, and they unfortunately made the wrong choice with it. Ifunfallen beings, in perfection, could misuse free will, how much more sobeings like us, steeped in sin?
And we need to remember that free will is just that, free, whichmeans that regardless of the pressure on us, both from within andwithout, we don’t have to choose what is wrong. We can, through thepower of God in us, make the right choices with the free will God hasgiven us. Thus, how important that we carefully weigh our decisions,especially thinking about how those decisions can impact our familylives. The freewill choice of Cain to kill his brother surely devastatedhis family. The freewill decision of Joseph’s brothers to sell him intoslavery ruined their father’s life. “And he recognized it and said, ‘It ismy son’s tunic. A wild beast has devoured him. Without doubt Josephis torn to pieces.’ Then Jacob tore his clothes, put sackcloth on hiswaist, and mourned for his son many days. And all his sons and all hisdaughters arose to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, and hesaid, ‘For I shall go down into the grave to my son in mourning.’ Thushis father wept for him” (Gen. 37:33–35, NKJV).
All through the Bible, as in life, we can find examples of how thefree choices of family members, for good or evil, impact others, suchas the choices of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (Num. 16:1–32; see alsoDan. 6:23, 24; Gen. 18:19).
Discussion Questions:
1 What are some of the free choices you made today? What dothey tell you about yourself and your relationship with God andwith others? Of the choices you made, which ones, if any, do youwish you had made differently?
2 What Bible characters made wrong choices, and what can welearn from their mistakes? How did their wrong choices negativelyimpact their families?
3 No question: we all have regrets about wrong choices we havemade. Why, in times of those regrets, is the gospel such good news?What promises from the Bible have you claimed in times of distress and guilt over wrong choices?
4 If some people were to come to you talking about marriage,what advice would you give them, and why? What principles canyou point to from the Word of God to help them work through thisimportant decision?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: 1 Cor. 10:1–13, Gen. 2:24,1 Cor. 13:4–8, 1 Sam. 1:27, Psalm 71, 1 Cor. 15:24–26.
Memory Text: “Righteousness will go before Him, and shall makeHis footsteps our pathway” (Psalm 85:13, NKJV).
Life is full of changes. Things change all the time. The only thingthat does not change is the reality of change itself. Change, infact, is a part of our very existence. Even the laws of physicsseem to teach that change exists in the most basic fabric of reality.Often, changes come unexpectedly. We are going along in a routinewhen, suddenly, instantly, everything changes, and we are caught completely off guard.
On the other hand, sometimes we can see changes coming. We aregiven forewarnings, signs, and indicators that let us know things aregoing to be different. When this happens, it’s wise to start preparing, towhatever degree possible, for what we can see coming. Many of thesechanges are big: marriage, children, old age, and even death.
And yes, we do not live in isolation. Which means, then, that thechanges that come to us can impact our families, and in big ways, aswell. At the same time, changes in our families also can impact eachfamily member, too.
This week, let’s look at some of the changes that sooner or later, inone way or another, most of us face and how these changes can impactfamily life.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, April 20.
There is one thing about the Word of God: it does not gloss over therealities of human life. On the contrary, it exposes them in all theirharshness and, at times, sheer pain and despair. In fact, with the exception of the first few pages of the Bible and the last few at the end, theWord of God paints a sad picture of the human race. Paul was not exaggerating when he wrote, “For all have sinned and fall short of the gloryof God” (Rom. 3:23, NKJV).
Read 1 Corinthians 10:1–13. What warnings are there, as well as whatpromises?
In many ways, many of our actions in life are simply how we react tochange. We constantly face changes; the challenge for us, as Christians,is to deal with them by faith, trusting in God and revealing that faiththrough obedience, regardless of temptations to do otherwise.
“The greatest want of the world is the want of men—men who willnot be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will standfor the right though the heavens fall.”—Ellen G. White, Education,p. 57. Those words were as true for ancient Israel as they were in EllenG. White’s time, and as they are for us now.
What mistakes did the people in the following texts make in the face ofchange, and what can we learn from their mistakes?
Changes come, and they often bring temptations, challenges, andeven, at times, fear. Thus, how crucial it is that we have the spiritualarmor on to deal with them in the right manner. Again, regardless ofwhether the changes are unexpected or whether they are just the typicalpart of life, we need to be prepared for what’s coming, both the seenand the unseen.
One of the greatest changes a person faces is when he or she getsmarried.
Of course, not everyone gets married. After all, Jesus, our greatestexample, never did, nor did many other Bible characters.
Nevertheless, many people do marry, and thus, the Bible is not silentabout marriage, which is surely one of the greatest life changers.
The first social arrangement mentioned in the Bible is marriage. ForGod, marriage is so important that the same words He told Adam andEve in Eden about marriage appear in three other places in Scripture.“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleaveunto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24; see also Matt.19:5, Mark 10:7, Eph. 5:31). These texts tell us that once a persongets married, the most important relationship in their lives should bebetween them and their spouse, even more than between them and theirparents. Among the reasons marriage between a man and a woman is soimportant to God is that it typifies the relationship that exists betweenHis Son, Jesus, and the church, His bride (Eph. 5:32).
In constructing a house, one needs to stop and consider the cost(Luke 14:28–30); how much more so when establishing a home? Ahouse is built with brick and mortar, wood and iron, wires and glass.But a home is built with things that are not necessarily material.
What are some crucial traits that are important for all aspects of lifebut are especially important for those preparing for marriage? 1 Cor.13:4–8; Gal. 5:22, 23.
Preparation for marriage must begin with us personally and individually. At the same time, we need to look carefully at our future spouseto see if he or she would be a good complement for us. Is he or shea hard worker (Prov. 24:30–34)? Does he or she have a bad temper(Prov. 22:24)? Do we share common beliefs (2 Cor. 6:14, 15)? How domy family and friends feel about my future spouse (Prov. 11:14)? AmI relying on faith or on feelings alone (Prov. 3:5, 6)? The answers tothese questions can mean a future of happiness or a lifetime of sorrow.
Think about some good marriages. What principles do you findthere that could be applied to other kinds of interpersonal relationships, as well?
Few things can change our lives more than the birth of a child.Nothing in the family can or will ever be the same again.
“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’syouth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them” (Ps. 127:4,5, NKJV).
At the same time, children do not arrive with an owner’s manualthat tells their parents all they need to do to care for them and how totroubleshoot any problems that may arise. Even experienced parents aresometimes stumped by the actions, words, or attitudes of their children.
As important as it is to prepare for marriage, it is important alsothat those who hope to become parents be prepared for that awesomeresponsibility.
However unique the following stories about births were, whatprinciples can those preparing to be parents take away from theseaccounts? 1 Sam. 1:27; Judg. 13:7; Luke 1:6, 13–17, 39–55, 76–79.
What an awesome responsibility and opportunity these parents had.Three would be the parents of prophets and leaders in Israel, one oftheir children would be the forerunner of the promised Messiah, andone of the children would be the Christ.
Yet, even if our children are not destined to be biblical prophets,parents should still be preparing for this radical change in their lives.
“Even before the birth of the child, the preparation should begin thatwill enable it to fight successfully the battle against evil.
“If before the birth of her child she is self-indulgent, if she is selfish,impatient, and exacting, these traits will be reflected in the disposition ofthe child. Thus many children have received as a birthright almost unconquerable tendencies to evil.”—Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, p. 256.
Whether it is children under our care or if we have responsibilities toward other people, what are things we can do to dischargethose responsibilities in the godliest manner possible?
“The days of our lives are seventy years; and if by reason of strengththey are eighty years, yet their boast is only labor and sorrow; for it issoon cut off, and we fly away” (Ps. 90:10, NKJV). These words fromMoses remind us of the inexorable march of time. As the years comeand go, we begin to see and feel changes in our bodies. Our hair turnsgray or falls out, we begin to slow down, and aches and pains becomeour daily companions. If we are married and have children, our childrenmight bear their own children, and we could then enjoy our grandchildren. The previous seasons of life have helped us get ready for the lastone.
Read Psalm 71. What does this psalm teach us about not just preparing for old age, but about life in general?
Psalm 71 is the psalm of an older person who experiences the challenges that come with life but who is happy because all along he or shehas put their trust in God. The best way to grow old is to put our trust inHim while still young. In general terms, the author of this psalm sharesthree important lessons he learned as he moved toward this season ofhis life.
1. Develop a deep, personal knowledge of God. From his youth (Ps.71:17), God was his strong refuge (Ps. 71:1, 7) and his Savior (Ps. 71:2).God is a rock and fortress (Ps. 71:3), his hope and confidence (Ps. 71:5).He speaks of God’s mighty deeds (Ps. 71:16, 17), His strength and power(Ps. 71:18), and all the great things He has done (Ps. 71:19). Ultimatelyhe shouts, “O God, who is like You?” (Ps. 71:19, NKJV). Those daily conversations with God, as we study His Word and as we pause to reflect onall He does for us, will deepen our experience with Him.
2. Develop good habits. Good nutrition, exercise, water, sunshine,rest, et cetera will help us enjoy life longer and better. Take special noteas to how the psalmist refers to the habits of trust (Ps. 71:3), praise (Ps.71:6), and hope (Ps. 71:14).
3. Develop a passion for God’s mission. The person in Psalm 71 wasnot looking forward to being idle in his old age. Even in his retirementhe wanted to continue praising God (Ps. 71:8) and telling others aboutHim (Ps. 71:15–18).
For those who are older, what are some of the benefits of gettingolder? What do you know now that you didn’t when younger thatyou could share with those who are younger?
Unless we are alive at the Second Coming, one change that we can allexpect is the biggest change of all: the change from life to death. Alongwith marriage and birth, what change has a greater impact on familythan the death of an immediate family member?
Read 1 Corinthians 15:24–26. What do these verses teach us aboutdeath?
Many times, of course, death comes unexpectedly and tragically.How many men, women, and even children woke up one morning only,before the sun set, to close their eyes not in sleep but in death? Or wokeup one morning and before the sun set had lost a family member?
Other than making sure you are connected by faith with the Lord andcovered in His righteousness moment by moment (see Rom. 3:22), youcan’t prepare for a death that you don’t see coming, either for yourselfor your loved one.
On the other hand, what would you do if you knew you had onlya few months to live? We may not know for certain when death willovercome us, but we certainly may know when we are nearing the endof our life. Thus, how crucial it is to prepare ourselves and our familyfor the inevitable.
Read 1 Kings 2:1–4, some of the last words David spoke to his sonSolomon. What lessons can we take from this about preparing fordeath, both for ourselves and for family members?
At first glance, one could argue, That’s rich! David, who murderedUriah after impregnating his wife (see 2 Samuel 11), tells his son towalk in the way of the Lord. On the other hand, it was perhaps preciselybecause of this sin and the horrible consequences that followed thatDavid’s words were so powerful. He was, no doubt, in his own way trying to warn his son away from the folly that caused him so much grief.David learned, the hard way, some difficult lessons about the cost ofsin, and no doubt he had hoped to spare his son some of the grief thathe himself had experienced.
Friday April 19
Further Thought: If we read through the story of ancient Israel inthe wilderness, we can see a litany of mistake after mistake in the faceof great changes, even despite the amazing revelation of God’s loveand power. In fact, before Israel was to, finally, enter the PromisedLand—and thus face another great change—Moses said the followingto ancient Israel: “ ‘Your eyes have seen what the Lord did at BaalPeor; for the Lord your God has destroyed from among you all themen who followed Baal of Peor. But you who held fast to the Lordyour God are alive today every one of you. Surely I have taught youstatutes and judgments, just as the Lord my God commanded me,that you should act according to them in the land which you go topossess. Therefore be careful to observe them; for this is your wisdomand your understanding in the sight of the peoples who will hear allthese statutes, and say, ‘Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.’ For what great nation is there that has God so nearto it, as the Lord our God is to us, for whatever reason we may callupon Him? And what great nation is there that has such statutes andrighteous judgments as are in all this law which I set before you thisday? Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lestyou forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart fromyour heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your childrenand your grandchildren’ ” (Deut. 4:3–9, NKJV). How crucial that wenot forget what the Lord has done for us. And what better way notto forget than to teach it to others and to those who come after us.Notice, too, how central the family was in all this, in that they were toteach these things to their children. And the sin at Peor was somethingthat only could be destructive to family life. “The crime that broughtthe judgments of God upon Israel was that of licentiousness. The forwardness of women to entrap souls did not end at Baal-peor.”—EllenG. White, The Adventist Home, p. 326.
Discussion Questions:
1 In class, talk about some of the preparations you made infacing any of the big stages in life, marriage, parenting, oldage, or anything else. How did the changes impact your family?What have you learned that could help others facing the samestages?
2 Think about David’s words to Solomon, again in the context ofhis sin against Bathsheba, a calamity that cast a shadow over therest of David’s reign and greatly impacted his family for the worse.In what ways, amid it all, do we see the reality of God’s grace atwork?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Eccles. 4:9–12, Phil. 4:11–13,1 Cor. 7:25–34, Matt. 19:8, Gen. 37:34, Isa. 54:5.
Memory Text: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that manshould be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’ ”(Genesis 2:18, NKJV).
A fascinating yet painful story made the news years ago. A youngwoman had been found dead in her apartment. Though thedeath was tragic itself, what made the story worse was that thewoman had been dead for more than 10 years before being found. Tenyears! Thus, the question that people had asked, and rightly so, was:How in a big city like this, with so many people, and with so manymeans of communication, could a woman, who was not a street person,have been dead for so long and no one know?
Though extreme, this story is an example of a reality: many peopleare suffering from loneliness. In 2016, The New York Times ran anarticle entitled “Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness.” Theproblem is real.
From the start, we as human beings were not meant to be alone. FromEden onward, we were to live in fellowship with other human beings tosome degree or another. Of course, sin came in, and nothing has beenright since then. This week we will look at the question of companionship and loneliness at the various times of life that, perhaps, all of ushave at some time faced. If not, then count yourself fortunate.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, April 27.
Read Ecclesiastes 4:9–12. What’s the basic idea there? What principleof life is it talking about in general?
Very few of us can make it alone. Even if we are loners and like beingalone, sooner or later we not only want some companionship but mighteven require it, especially in times of need. We were, indeed, made forcommunity, for fellowship. How fortunate are those who have close familymembers who can give comfort and support, especially in times of need.
Unfortunately, there are people in our church, where we work, in the communities where we live, who have no one to turn to, not just in their timeof need but even for some conversation at the end of the day. The sense ofloneliness can come at any time. “The hardest day for me,” an unmarriedman said, “is Sunday. During the week I am surrounded by people at work.On Sabbath I see people at church. But on Sunday I am all alone.”
What principles can we all learn from the following passages, particularly when we may be going through a time of loneliness? John16:32, 33; Phil. 4:11–13.
Yes, as Christians we have not only the reality of God but the realityof being able to fellowship with God. And we can, indeed, draw comfort from the closeness of God to us. But the closeness of God to Adamin Eden didn’t stop the Lord from saying, “ ‘It is not good that manshould be alone’ ” (Gen. 2:18, NKJV). Thus, God knew that Adam,even when he had fellowship with God in a world undamaged by sin,still needed human companionship. How much more, then, do the restof us need companionship, as well.
We need to be careful, too, of assuming that just because there are alot of people around, a person cannot be lonely. Some of the loneliestpeople live in big cities where they often have interaction with others.Just being around other bodies doesn’t mean someone cannot feel aloneand alienated and in need of fellowship.
It’s not always easy to know who is feeling lonely, alienated, orrejected, or who is just plain hurting and in need of someone, ifnothing else, just to talk to. How can you proactively seek to bemore sensitive to whomever those people might be?
A young woman told of the advantages of not being married: “TwiceI had the opportunity to go serve in the mission field, and I respondedwithout any hesitation.” A married person, with a family, might havehad to take a little more time making that decision because it doesn’tjust involve them but also their spouse and children.
What are, according to Paul, good reasons for remaining unmarried?1 Cor. 7:25–34, NKJV.
Most people think that being married is God’s will for them. Didn’tHe say, “ ‘It is not good that man should be alone?’ ” And yet, we havemany examples in the Bible of people who were not married, includingthe greatest example of all, Jesus Christ.
Jeremiah was told not to marry (Jer. 16:1–3); it was a judgment on ahistorical situation. We don’t know if that restriction was ever removed,but it is clear that Jeremiah was a great prophet while he was single.
Ezekiel’s wife died suddenly. God took away this important personin his life to convey a hard lesson about the situation of His people. Hewas not even allowed to mourn but was to continue on with the ministrythe Lord had assigned him (Ezek. 24:15–18). The prophet Hosea alsoexperienced a broken marriage but was able to continue in ministry.While the story seems strange to us, God told him to go marry a prostitute whom God knew would leave Hosea for other men (Hosea 1–3).Looking back, we can see God trying to illustrate the one-sided lovethat He has for Israel and for us, but it must have been extremely hardand painful for Hosea to be the object lesson.
In each of these examples, marital status was not an issue. God wasinterested in the person’s integrity, obedience, and ability to say whatGod wanted him to say. We need to be sure that our life is not definedby our marital condition. Many voices today will tell us that unless weare married we are not complete. Paul would respond, “Don’t be likethe people of this world.” Instead, “offer your bodies to him as a livingsacrifice, pure and pleasing” (Rom. 12:1, 2, CEV).
What are practical ways you can minister to those who areunmarried, both church members and non-church members?
Of all the ways sin has devastated humanity, with the exception ofphysical suffering and death, what has faced more devastating consequences from sin than the family? It’s almost as if the phrase “dysfunctional family” is redundant. What family isn’t, to some degree,dysfunctional?
Outside of death, one of the hardest things a family can face is adivorce. People going through this terrible experience run a gamut ofemotions. Probably the first and most common is grief, which, depending on the individuals, may last for several months to several years withdifferent intensity. Some may experience fear—fear of the unknown,financial anxieties, and fear of being unable to cope. Some may gothrough a period of depression, anger, and, yes—loneliness.
What broad principles concerning divorce can we gather from the following verses? Mal. 2:16; Matt. 5:31, 32; 19:8; 1 Cor. 7:11–13.
“The Church as a redemptive agency of Christ is to minister to itsmembers in all of their needs and to nurture everyone so that all maygrow into a mature Christian experience. This is particularly true whenmembers face lifelong decisions such as marriage and distressfulexperiences such as divorce. When a couple’s marriage is in dangerof breaking down, every effort should be made by the partners andthose in the church or family who minister to them to bring about theirreconciliation in harmony with divine principles for restoring woundedrelationships (Hosea 3:1–3; 1 Cor. 7:10, 11; 13:4–7; Gal. 6:1).
“Resources that can be of assistance to members in the developmentof a strong Christian home are available through the church or otherchurch organizations. These resources include: (1) programs of orientation for couples engaged to be married, (2) programs of instruction formarried couples with their families, and (3) programs of support forbroken families and divorced individuals.”—The Seventh-day AdventistChurch Manual, 19th edition (Nampa, Idaho: Pacific Press PublishingAssociation, 2016), p. 161.
What are practical and nonjudgmental ways you can help someone going through divorce?
Someone once asked the question: What’s the difference betweenhumans and chickens in regard to the question of death? The answeris that, unlike chickens, who die, we humans, who die, too, know thatwe will die. Chickens don’t. And it’s this knowledge of our impendingdeath that greatly impacts how we live now.
As we know, all relationships, including marriage, sooner or latercome to an end in our greatest enemy: death. No matter how close aunion, no matter the great love, the deep companionship, the time spenttogether, as human beings we (unlike chickens) know that sooner orlater death will come (unless Jesus returns beforehand), and when itdoes, all our relationships will cease. This has been our fate from thefirst sin and will be so until the return of Jesus.
The Bible doesn’t tell us which of the two, Adam or Eve, died first,but it must have been particularly painful for the other one, especiallysince death was never supposed to be part of life to begin with. If, aswe saw in an earlier lesson, the death of a single leaf caused them tomourn, who could imagine what they went through with a death of aspouse?
The problem is that we are so used to death that we just take it forgranted. But it was never supposed to be something that we as humansexperienced. Hence, even to this day, we struggle to make sense of it,when so often we just can’t.
What do the following texts teach us about death and about howpeople struggle with it? Isa. 57:1; Rev. 21:4; 1 Thess. 4:17, 18; Matt.5:4; 2 Sam. 18:33; Gen. 37:34.
No question: not only do we all face the reality of our own death,we face the reality of the death of others, of loved ones, of maybe ourclosest companion. Hence, sooner or later, many of us will face a time,a season, of loneliness brought about by the death of someone else. It’shard, it hurts, and at such times we can, and often must, just claim thepromises of God. After all, in this world of sin, suffering, and death,what else do we have?
How can your church help those whom you know are sufferingloneliness from the death of a loved one?
A young woman named Natalie had been married for seven yearswhen, at the invitation of a friend, she attended an evangelistic seriesat a local Seventh-day Adventist church. Convicted by what shelearned, she surrendered her heart to Christ, had a new-birth experience, and—despite the strenuous objections of her husband, parents,in-laws, even her next-door neighbor—Natalie joined the Seventhday Adventist Church. She also adjusted her lifestyle, to every degreepossible, to her newfound faith.
As one could imagine, she faced a great deal of pushback; whatmade it especially hard was her husband, who argued from his pointif view: “This is not what I signed up for when we got married. Youare a whole new person, and I want the old one back.”
For years now, she has been struggling to live a life of faith. Thoughmarried, she is what we could call “spiritually single.”
What encouraging words do we find in the following verses for thosewho may feel spiritually single? Isa. 54:5; Hos. 2:19, 20; Ps. 72:12.
All over the world, there are “Natalies” in our church. These people,men or women, are married but attend church alone or only with theirchildren. They may have married a person of a different faith. Or perhaps when they joined the church, their spouse did not. Or when married, both were members of the church—but one, for whatever reason,dropped out, stopped coming, and might even be hostile to the faith.These men and woman come alone to church and to the meal after theworship service or go alone to the outreach or social activities of thechurch. They are saddened when they cannot contribute financially tothe church’s ministry as much as they would like because their spousedoes not agree to do so. Though married, they might feel spirituallylike a widow or a widower.
We probably all, at some time or another, have met people like thisin the church, and they do need our love and support.
What practical things can we, as a church family, do to help thespiritually single in our midst?
Friday April 26
Further Thought: “In the midst of a life of active labor, Enochsteadfastly maintained his communion with God. The greater andmore pressing his labors, the more constant and earnest were hisprayers. He continued to exclude himself at certain periods from allsociety. After remaining for a time among the people, laboring tobenefit them by instruction and example, he would withdraw, to spenda season in solitude, hungering and thirsting for that divine knowledgewhich God alone can impart. Communing thus with God, Enoch camemore and more to reflect the divine image. His face was radiant with aholy light, even the light that shineth in the face of Jesus. As he cameforth from these divine communings, even the ungodly beheld withawe the impress of heaven upon his countenance.”—Ellen G. White,Gospel Workers, p. 52. Though the story of Enoch here is encouragingand has something powerful to say about those who choose to havetimes of solitude, many face a solitude they don’t ask for. They don’twant to be alone. Yes, we can always have a joyful communion withthe Lord, who is ever-present, but sometimes we crave human companionship and fellowship. How crucial that we, as a church, be readyto reach out to those who might be sitting right next to us on Sabbatheach week, yet who are going through a terrible season of loneliness.At the same time, if you are going through such a time, seek out someone whom you feel that you can trust at church (or elsewhere) and letthem know. Many times people simply cannot tell by looking at someone what they are going through. It’s easy, at least for some people, tohide behind a mask.
Discussion Questions:
1 How can your church learn to be more sensitive to the needs ofthe lonely in your midst?
2 “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Phil. 4:11, NKJV). Read the largercontext of Paul’s words here. How can we learn to apply these toourselves? At the same time, why must we be very careful in howwe quote this passage to someone who truly is hurting?
3 In class, talk about a time you went through severe loneliness.What helped you? What hurt you? What did you learn that couldbe a help to others?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Prov. 5:3–14; Matt. 19:5;1 Cor. 7:3, 4; Prov. 13:22; 14:26; 23:13, 14; 17:22; 31:10–31.
Memory Text: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean noton your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, andHe shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5, 6, NKJV).
Whatever phase of life we are in now, we all, of course, startedout with a mother and a father, regardless of the kind ofrelationship, if any at all, that we had with them after ourbirth. On the other hand, some people, other than having siblings orother relatives, never have a family of their own—other than the onethey grew up in.
Whatever our situation, whatever our phase of life, the book ofProverbs contains a combination of instructions, poems, questions, andwise sayings. Family relationships are directly addressed, and otherwords of wisdom can be applied to the home. Proverbs is, in fact, castas a family document, in which keys to a godly life are handed downfrom parent to child. Just as parents might write a letter of advice to ason or daughter going to college, setting up their separate dwelling, ortaking a job away from home, so Proverbs is addressed from father toson: “My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsakethe law of your mother” (Prov. 1:8, NKJV). Deuteronomy directedparents to share their convictions with the next generation. This is whatProverbs does. In the father’s summons, we hear the voice of our heavenly Father calling us to learn.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, May 4.
List the problems and consequences involved with a sexual liaisonbefore marriage or an extramarital affair as depicted in Proverbs5:3–14.
The godly person reserves (if not married) and preserves (if married) his or her deepest affections and sexual intimacy for marriage.Men are specifically addressed in Proverbs, but the same idea asit relates to women is expressed in the Song of Solomon (compareSong of Sol. 4:12–15). The powerful attraction of illicit love must beweighed against the horrific consequences of this sin. Casual sexualliaisons lack commitment and, therefore, fall far short of true intimacy. Material, physical, and emotional resources are squandered.Most important, one must answer to God for the choices made in life.
Sexual intimacy, one of God’s greatest gifts to humans, is aprivilege of marriage only (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 7:3, 4; Heb. 13:4).In Proverbs, the imagery of nourishing, plentiful water is used as adelicate symbol of the pleasure and satisfaction a married coupleought to obtain in their love together. This is contrasted with thewaste that results when there is unfaithfulness. The expression “thewife of your youth” (Prov. 5:18, NKJV) indicates that even whenthe two grow older, their commitment is to continue. A husband isstill ravished (“intoxicated” [Prov. 5:19, NIV]) by his wife’s charms.
In the human fallen condition, sexual instincts can lure individuals away from the divine design for sexuality. However, God alsohas given humanity the power to reason and to choose. These temptations, if not continually suppressed, can become overwhelming. Afirm commitment to the divine design for sexuality in marriage canprevent the development of illicit sexual relationships. The choiceof lifelong faithfulness to God’s design for sexuality in marriage notonly is prudent but carries its own bountiful rewards.
If you knew someone struggling with sexual temptations thatcould destroy a marriage, what counsel would you give thatperson?
Note the character qualities of fathers described in Proverbs that canhave long-term consequences for children:
The characters of fathers have a direct impact on their children and thelegacy they pass on to them. Children look to their fathers for support,devoted affection, guidance, and modeling. Proverbs lauds those fatherswho are reliable providers and wise managers of family resources. Many arethe ways in which “the greedy bring ruin to their household” (Prov. 15:27,NIV); fathers must be mindful to give priority to family over work. Godlyfathers seek to be patient and in command of their emotions. They respecttheir children’s dependence upon them. They discipline their children but arecareful not to abuse their position of authority. Most important, dedicatedfathers want to follow God, to be controlled by His love and by the teachingof His Word, that they might guide the feet of their children in the right way.
In the end, the most important thing a father can do for his children isto love their mother. His faithfulness and continuing affection for her, orthe lack of these, have a telling effect upon children’s well-being even intoadulthood.
In Proverbs, loyalty to God, commitment to marriage and family, andintegrity in one’s personal and community life are key themes. Success ineverything depends upon the condition of the individual heart. The attractions of sin—whether sex, sloth, wealth, or power—abound, but the wisehusband and father looks to God for help to make right choices continually.
How are the moral principles expressed here important for anyone, whether or not a father? How have your actions, either forgood or bad, impacted others, especially children? In what waysmight you need to be more careful?
What does Proverbs teach about the importance of discipline and correction of a child? Prov. 10:17; 23:13, 14; 29:1, 15.
Parents sometimes discipline their children to impress upon themwhat is socially unacceptable behavior, to punish for disobedience, oreven to express their displeasure when embarrassed. But what is God’sintention regarding discipline for these young members of His family?Proverbs sets discipline in the context of hope for the future (Prov.19:18). Godly parents know that children have a sinful nature. Only onepower can help them with this, and this power is Christ (see Ellen G.White, Education, p. 29). The mission of Christian parenting, includingdiscipline, is to lead children to God.
Supporting a tender plant. Through Christ discipline is seen not aspunishment, nor as an expression of authority, but as redemptive correction. God’s plan is that loving parents, knowing the strength of sin,guide their children’s footsteps to Christ. Caring parents correct kindlyand firmly, restraining and guiding children through the early yearsmuch as a horticulturalist provides support to a newly planted tree, untilself-control emerges and a youth comes to trust in God and cooperateswith the divine plan for salvation, growth, and maturity.
What message for parents is found in Proverbs 13:24; 23:13, 14?
All told, just a few verses mention the “rod” (Heb. shebet) in thecontext of disciplining children. Popular within Christian parentingliterature is the notion that parental use of the rod should be like thatof the heavenly Shepherd who uses it to guide His flock (Ps. 23:4).Elsewhere, Scripture points to patient teaching, consistent modeling,good communication, and close relationships for influencing changein children (Deut. 11:18, 19). The child’s feeling of being loved by hisor her parents is vital if discipline is to have its desired effect of beingcorrective and redemptive (Prov. 13:24).
When discipline has missed its intended purpose by being tooharsh or misunderstood, how can parents set matters right withtheir children?
In what way does the book of Proverbs sprinkle humor on some of theirritations in domestic living? Prov. 21:9, 19; 27:15, 16. What effectdoes this humor have?
A number of the proverbs consider the ways we treat each other inclose relationships. They make their point with a light touch and a flashof wit, like the ones about the insensitive friend who “sings songs to aheavy heart” (Prov. 25:20, NKJV) and the early-rising family memberwho “blesses” sleepers “with a loud voice” (Prov. 27:14, NKJV). Wivesreading these verses about contentious women may want to add some“proverbs” about men! They may retort that such sayings perpetuatethe very problem of these proverbs by targeting only women when husbands, who share responsibility for the home atmosphere, are equallycapable of contentious behavior. (Imagine what it must have been likeliving in the home of Caiaphas or Annas!)
A merry heart helps. Having a sense of humor in family living is a goodthing. Humor lubricates the machinery of living, helping to reduce stressesand strains. “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spiritdries the bones” (Prov. 17:22, NKJV). Proverbs takes some of its ownmedicine throughout the book and gives us permission to chuckle at a fewof the behaviors that annoy and irritate. Perhaps when we have smiled (orsmarted a bit if the joke is on us), we are in a better place to talk abouthabits or behaviors that irritate or annoy us. On the other hand, humorshould not be used to minimize or bypass issues that need serious attention.
A low-grade fever may be symptomatic of a chronic infection.Quarreling, nagging, and complaining may signal that there is suppressed anger in one or more family members, perhaps related todifficulties with mutuality or communication in the relationship. Thecomplaining partner tries to offset the perceived power, control, andunwillingness to communicate of another. If the infection is clearedup, the symptoms will go away. In families, rather than avoiding theproblem or one another, members build on their love for the Lord andtheir commitment to one another by communicating their needs andfeelings, getting to the root of their anger, and clearing it up.
Why is laughter so important for the home? How can it be usedfor good, or how can it be perverted and used for evil? Bring youranswer to class.
The book of Proverbs closes with praise for a wife of noble character.Identify the characteristics and qualities that are lauded. Prov.31:10–31.
The woman described is special, and so is the poetry. Each of theverses starting from Proverbs 31:10 begins with one of the 22 letters ofthe Hebrew alphabet. One senses from this tribute to a worthy wife thateven the whole national alphabet barely provides a sufficient framework to extol her properly!
Proverbs’ emphasis on marrying a good partner is reflected in a dictumof the rabbis: “A man’s home is his wife.” “A wife of noble character isher husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones”(Prov. 12:4, NIV). Here, at the end of the proverbs, rolled idealisticallyinto a portrait of one, are many varied skills: clothing manufacture, buying real estate, agriculture, home and financial management. Meanwhile,she cares well for her family. They love her and praise her.
These extensive talents are not to be expected in every woman, norare they a blueprint whereby husbands should measure their wives.Rather, through describing these capabilities and qualities, Proverbsconveys what is most important and universally relevant for women, aswell as for men: the traits of trustworthiness, compassion, reliability,faithfulness, kindness, and industry. The secret of such a life, accordingto Proverbs 31:30, is that she “fears the Lord” (NKJV).
In Proverbs 31:10 the word for “virtuous,” or “of noble character” (NIV), means “strength,” “might,” or “wealth.” It is translated as“riches” in Psalm 62:10 and describes Joshua’s “men of valour” (Josh.1:14; emphasis added). Boaz commends Ruth with the word virtuous (Ruth 3:11). In Proverbs 31:10 there is a play on the concept of“wealth.” True wealth lies in character, integrity, and the fear of theLord. This vastly exceeds the worth to be found in precious stones.
Who are some of the women of valor and virtue who have influenced your life? How would you expand the list of characterqualities, virtues, and capacities of godly women?
Friday May 3
Further Thought: Keeping the heart in heaven. “Christians shouldbe careful that they keep the heart with all diligence. They should cultivate a love for meditation, and cherish a spirit of devotion. Many seemto begrudge moments spent in meditation, and the searching of theScriptures, and prayer, as though the time thus occupied was lost. I wishyou could all view these things in the light God would have you; for youwould then make the kingdom of heaven of the first importance. To keepyour heart in heaven, will give vigor to all your graces, and put life intoall your duties. To discipline the mind to dwell upon heavenly things,will put life and earnestness into all our endeavors. . . . We are dwarfs inspiritual attainments. . . . [Eph. 4:13].”—Ellen G. White Comments, TheSDA Bible Commentary, vol. 3, p. 1157.
Discussion Questions:
1 Many Christians find a support group network helpful asthey seek to “guard their hearts” against temptation. In what waymight this augment prayer, Bible study, and reliance on the HolySpirit? In some cases, why might it be a good idea to seek professional help if someone really struggles with temptations that dolead them into sin, and they seem unable to stop?
2 As a class, read your answers aloud to Wednesday’s final question. Discuss the implications of your various answers. As withso many of the wonderful things that God has given us, how canlaughter and humor be perverted and twisted into being something actually harmful?
3 In contrast to Proverbs 31, what qualities does contemporaryculture tend to exalt in women? How can we as individuals protectourselves from partaking of that same degrading attitude?
4 In general, what are some of the cultural attitudes about familylife in your society that directly conflict with biblical principles offamily life? On the other hand, are there some cultural attitudesthat parallel biblical principles? If so, what are they, and how canthey be used to strengthen our families?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Song of Solomon, Gen. 2:7,1 Cor. 7:3–5, John 17:3, 1 John 1:9, Rom. 1:24–27, Gal. 5:24.
Memory Text: “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal uponyour arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as thegrave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame” (Song ofSolomon 8:6, NKJV).
Among the seasons of life, one of the big ones is marriage. Again,not everyone marries, but for those who do, marriage bringsspecial challenges, and special blessings, as well. Among thoseblessings is the wonderful gift of sexuality. What a powerful expressionof love this gift, in the right time and the right place, can be.
Contrary to popular opinion, the Bible is not against sex. It’s againstthe misuse of this wonderful gift from the Creator to human beings.
In fact, the Song of Solomon, one of the smallest and perhaps oneof the least-read books of the Bible, describes the relationship betweena young Shulamite bride and her beloved, who is believed to be KingSolomon himself. The book unfolds the mysteries of human intimacyand the delights of conjugal love in marriage. Although the Song ofSolomon has frequently been treated allegorically as a symbol of therelationship of God and God’s people or of Christ and the church, it isfirst of all a poem on the love found in the very real human relationshipof a man and woman.
This week we will look at marriage as portrayed in this OldTestament book.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, May 11.
Based on the following passages, how would you characterize theBible’s view of the human body? Gen. 2:7; Ps. 63:1; 84:2; 1 Cor.6:19, 20; 1 Thess. 5:23.
Some religions believe in dualism, a philosophy that views thehuman body as a problem for the life of the spirit. That is, the body isdeemed bad while the “spirit” is deemed good. In Scripture, however,the human body, including its sexual characteristics, is integral to thewhole being. Life is “body” and “spirit” (see Gen. 2:7). The psalmistgives the whole of himself in worship to God (Ps. 63:1, 84:2). Thetotal person is to be sanctified, set apart for the holy purpose Godintended.
A positive view of the human body, in the context of sexual relations, isreflected in the Song of Solomon. How do these texts reveal thisattitude? Song of Sol. 1:2, 13; 2:6; 5:10–16; 7:1–9.
Throughout this sacred text the human body is admired. The physical aspects of married love are not an embarrassment. A full range ofemotions is openly presented.
Powerful sexual taboos typically exist in many cultures. Marriedcouples thus often find it difficult to communicate in healthy waysregarding their intimate life. Similarly, children are often deprived ofthe opportunity to learn about sexuality in the setting of a Christianhome where godly values can be integrated with accurate information.The Bible’s openness with sexuality calls His people to a greater levelof comfort with this topic so that this vital aspect of life is treated withthe respect and dignity due so great a gift from the Creator.
How can we protect ourselves against cultural and moral forcesthat either make sexuality into nothing but degrading animal-likepassion or turn it into something shameful that must never betalked about? How does the Bible show us that both extremes arewrong?
Describe various aspects of love presented in the Song of Solomon.Song of Sol. 1:2, 13; 2:10–13, 16; 3:11; 4:1–7; 5:16; 6:6; 7:1–9;8:6, 7.
The Song of Solomon shows how friends spend time together, communicate openly, and care about each other. In the Song of Solomon,two good friends become married partners. The wife declares, “Thisis my friend” (Song of Sol. 5:16, NKJV). The word friend expressescompanionship and friendship without the overtones of sexual partnership. Happy is the husband or wife whose spouse is a dear friend.
Throughout the poem, intimate compliments and loving gesturesconvey the strong attraction, the physical and emotional delight, thatthe male and female find in each other. The natural intimacies ofromantic love are a gift of the Creator, to help partners bond closelyto each other in marriage. As partners are open to the work of divinelove in their hearts, their human love is “refined and purified, elevated and ennobled.”—Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, p. 99.
These verses also convey the loftiest of thoughts about love. Truelove, though, is not natural to the human heart; it is a gift of the HolySpirit (Rom. 5:5). Such love bonds husband and wife in a lastingunion. It is the committed love so desperately needed in the parentchild relationship to build a sense of trust in the young. It is theself-giving love that binds believers together in the body of Christ.The Song of Solomon calls us to make this love an active force inour relationships with our spouses.
How does this kind of intimacy reflect, in its own way, the kindof intimacy we can have with God? What are some parallelsone can draw (for example, spending time, giving completelyof ourselves, etc.)? What other parallels are there?
Many have seen a “return to Eden” theme in the Song of Solomon.Though the couple described is not the first man and woman, the poemcalls to mind the earliest garden. God’s plan that they be “one flesh” (Gen.2:24, 25) is portrayed throughout in delicate metaphors and symbols.
How does the Song of Solomon present a commitment to mutuality inthe intimate life of the married couple? Song of Sol. 4:7–5:1. Howis Paul’s instruction of 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 similar?
Solomon invites her, “Come with me” (Song of Sol. 4:8). His brideresponds. Later she invites him, “Let my beloved come into his garden”(Song of Sol. 4:16). He responds (Song of Sol. 5:1). Scripture hereteaches there is to be no force or manipulation in this intimate setting.Into this relationship both partners freely and lovingly enter. “My garden”is “his garden.”
“Solomon” and “Shulamith” share names that are derivatives of theHebrew shalom, “peace” or “wholeness.” Their admiration is mutual (Songof Sol. 4:1–5, 5:10–16). The balance in their relationship is evidenced evenin the poetic style of paired lines and verses. The covenant expression “Mybeloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Sol. 2:16) echoes the language ofEden, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23).
How does the description of the marital union as “knowing” enrich ourunderstanding of our relationship with God? Gen. 4:1, 25; 1 Sam.1:19; Luke 1:34; John 17:3; 1 Cor. 8:3.
The Bible uses know for the intimate union of husband and wife. Inthis loving “knowledge,” the most hidden inner depths of their beingsare offered to the other. Not only two bodies but also two hearts arejoined in “one flesh.” Know also describes the relationship betweenindividuals and God. For the discerning Christian the unique and tender knowledge of marriage, with its companionship, commitment, andunbounded delight, provides a profound insight into the most sublimeand holy mystery ever, the union of Christ and the church.
Read Song of Solomon 4:8–5:1.
Song of Solomon 4:16 and 5:1 form the very center of this book anddescribe, as it were, its climax as the marriage between Solomon andthe Shulamite is consummated.
To what is Solomon referring in the following passages? Song of Sol.4:12, 16; 5:1; 8:8–10.
In the Song of Solomon, we find some of Scripture’s most compelling evidence for God’s plan that people remain sexually chaste untilmarriage. One of the most powerful is a reference to the Shulamite’schildhood, when her brothers wondered whether she would be a “wall”or a “door” (Song of Sol. 8:8, 9). In other words, will she remain chasteuntil marriage (a wall) or be promiscuous (a door). As an adult woman,she affirms that she has maintained her chastity and comes pure to herhusband: “I am a wall” (Song of Sol. 8:10). In fact, he confirms that sheis still a virgin up to their wedding night by saying that she is “a gardeninclosed . . . a spring shut up, a fountain sealed” (Song of Sol. 4:12). Fromher own experience, she can counsel her friends to take the steps of loveand marriage very carefully. Three times in the Song of Solomon theShulamite addresses a group of women referred to as the “daughters ofJerusalem” to counsel them not to arouse the intense passion of love untilthe appropriate time (Song of Sol. 2:7, 3:5, 8:4); that is, until they findthemselves safely within the intimate covenant of marriage, as is she.
For the second time in the poem the beloved invites his bride to comeaway with him (Song of Sol. 2:10, 4:8). Before the wedding she couldnot accept his invitation, but now it is she who invites him to her garden(Song of Sol. 4:16), and he gladly accepts (Song of Sol. 5:1). He is notjust attracted to her beauty; she has stolen his heart (Song of Sol. 4:9),he is intoxicated with her love (Song of Sol. 4:10), and he is exuberant that she is his and nobody else’s now and forever: “My bride, myvery own, you are a garden, a fountain closed off to all others” (Songof Sol. 4:12, CEV). In his union to this perfect woman he finds himselfas reaching the Promised Land: “Your lips are a honeycomb; milk andhoney flow from your tongue” (Song of Sol. 4:11, CEV).
What good news is there for individuals who regret their wrongchoices in the expression of their sexuality? 1 John 1:9; comparePs. 103:12, Isa. 55:7, John 8:11.
God had a special purpose in creating humankind as male and female(Gen. 1:26–28). While each bears His image, the joining of gender opposites in the “one flesh” of marriage reflects the unity within the Godheadin a special way. The union of male and female also provides for procreation of a new life, an original human expression of the divine image.
What attitude does Scripture take toward sexual practices not in keepingwith the Creator’s plan? Lev. 20:7–21, Rom. 1:24–27, 1 Cor. 6:9–20.
Scripture disapproves of all that alters or destroys God’s image inhumankind. By placing certain sexual practices off limits, God guidesHis people toward the right purposes of sexuality. When human experience is confronted by God’s precepts, the soul is convicted of sin.
What guidance is given Christian believers for relating to their sexualityand that of others in a fallen world? Rom. 8:1–14; 1 Cor. 6:15–20;2 Cor. 10:5; Gal. 5:24; Col. 3:3–10; 1 Thess. 5:23, 24.
Believers wait for release from the corruption of sin at Christ’sreturn. They wait in faith, considering themselves dead to sin throughChrist’s death on the cross and alive in Him through His resurrection.Through unceasing prayer, watchfulness, and the power of the Spirit,they treat their sinful nature as crucified and seek to obey Christ intheir thoughts. They acknowledge God’s ownership of their bodies andsexuality and use them according to His divine plan.
God forgives those who repent of sin (1 John 1:9). The gospelenables individuals who formerly engaged in promiscuity and sinfulsexual activity to be part of the fellowship of believers. Because of theextent to which sin has altered sexuality in humanity, some may not beable to know full restoration in this aspect of human experience. Some,for example, might choose a life of celibacy rather than get involved inany sexual relationships that are forbidden by God’s Word.
How should we as a church relate to, for instance, homosexuals?How should their own attitude about their sexual orientationinfluence our response?
Friday May 10
Further Thought: “Marriage has received Christ’s blessing, and it isto be regarded as a sacred institution. True religion is not to counterworkthe Lord’s plans. God ordained that man and woman should be unitedin holy wedlock, to raise up families that, crowned with honor, wouldbe symbols of the family in heaven. And at the beginning of His publicministry Christ gave His decided sanction to the institution that had beensanctioned in Eden. Thus He declared to all that He will not refuse Hispresence on marriage occasions, and that marriage, when joined withpurity and holiness, truth and righteousness, is one of the greatest blessings ever given to the human family.”—Ellen G. White, Daughters ofGod, pp. 180, 181.
As the Song of Solomon showed, sexual love can be a wonderfulthing in marriage. But a lasting relationship cannot be based simply onthe outward beauty and physical delights. Our bodies age and decay,and no amount of diet, exercise, or plastic surgery will keep us looking forever young. Solomon and the Shulamite’s marriage is a lifelong,committed relationship. Three times they affirm that they belong toeach other (Song of Sol. 2:16, 6:3, 7:10). The first time it’s a recognition of mutual ownership (compare with Eph. 5:21, 33). The secondtime she reverses the order in affirmation of her submission (see Eph.5:22, 23). The third time it expresses his desire for her (see also Eph.5:24–32). Love like this cannot be drowned (Song of Sol. 8:7); it’s likea seal that cannot be broken (Song of Sol. 8:6).
Discussion Questions:
1 How does Solomon’s description of his wife as perfect (Song ofSol. 4:1–5, 6:8, and 7:1–9) compare to Adam’s expression when hefirst saw Eve? (Gen. 2:23, CEV). How should husbands then relateto their own wives? (Eph. 5:28, 29).
2 Some have seen in the book of Song of Solomon an allegoryof the relationship that exists between God and His people orbetween Jesus and His church. While one must be careful not tooverallegorize, what features of the relationship between thesetwo people can be compared to our relationship with God? Alsocompare to Isa. 54:4, 5; Jer. 3:14; 2 Cor. 11:2.
3 Read Proverbs 31:26, Song of Solomon 5:16, and Proverbs25:11. How important are our words in tearing down or buildingup our spouse and weakening or strengthening our marriage? Usethe following texts as further illustration: James 1:26, 3:5–11.
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Gen. 33:12–14, Ruth 1:16–18,John 17:21–26, Gal. 3:28, Eph. 2:11–22, 5:21–6:9.
Memory Text: “ ‘That they all may be one, as You, Father, are inMe, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world maybelieve that You sent Me’ ” (John 17:21, NKJV).
Family life represents different seasons of life for different people.For the mother and father, the introduction of children in theirlives represents a major change, one that will last their lifetimes.And for the offspring, of course, going from nonexistence to existenceis, indeed, a major transition. Then, too, children go through the variousstages of life until they leave home and, indeed, might have children oftheir own.
Yet, whether as parents or children in a family, we all struggle withthe same thing, and this is our sinful fallen natures, which can makeunity in family life very challenging, to say the least.
Yes, in the body of Jesus Christ on the cross all humanity has beenreconciled to God and to one another (Eph. 2:13–16, Col. 1:21–23), buton a daily practical level we must appropriate for ourselves the graceof Christ, which alone can make family unity a living experience forall who seek it in faith. This must be a daily experience in our lives.Fortunately, through the grace of Christ, it can be.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, May 18.
What illustration does Paul use to describe the new unity that existsbetween peoples in Christ? How has Christ made “one” out of“two”? Eph. 2:11–22; see also Gal. 3:28.
The cross of Christ removes the barriers that separate people fromeach other. Walls separated worshipers in the Jewish temple, men fromwomen, and Jews from Gentiles. Describing the unity of Jews andGentiles in Christ, Paul used language that applies equally to otherdivisions between nations, people groups, social strata, and gender. “Tocreate out of the two a single new humanity in himself, thereby makingpeace” (Eph. 2:15, NEB) is good news that helps couples to truly know“one flesh” unity in marriage. Also, by faith in Christ, long-dividedfamilies can be reconciled.
It’s one thing to quote Bible texts about oneness in Christ; it’s whollyanother to actually experience it. What practical changes doesChrist bring to our lives that enable us to experience the onenessand unity we have been promised? See, for instance, Rom. 6:4–7,2 Cor. 5:17, Eph. 4:24–32.
“Picture a large circle, from the edge of which are many lines all running to the center. The nearer these lines approach the center, the nearerthey are to one another. . . .
“The closer we come to Christ, the nearer we shall be to oneanother.”—Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, p. 179.
“Between father and son, husband and wife, . . . stands Christ theMediator, whether they are able to recognize him or not. We cannotestablish direct contact outside ourselves except through him, throughhis word, and through our following of him.”—Dietrich Bonhoeffer,The Cost of Discipleship (New York: The MacMillan Publishing Co.,1979), p. 108.
How close is your family, or church family, to the center of thatcircle? What else must come down in order for the relationshipsto be as they ought to be?
“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for eachother and for everyone else” (1 Thess. 3:12, NIV).
Jesus prayed to His Father that His followers would “ ‘be one as weare one’ ” (John 17:22, NIV). Summarize what Jesus was sayinghere, focusing specifically on the role of love needed in order toachieve this oneness.
Unity among His followers was on Jesus’ mind in this prayer.Experiencing agape love is essential to this unity. Agape is the Bibleword for God’s love used in this prayer and in many other places inthe New Testament. Such love is God’s very nature (1 John 4:8), andit identifies Jesus’ followers (John 13:35). God’s love is not natural tothe sinful human heart. It comes into one’s life as Jesus dwells withthe believer by His Spirit (Rom. 5:5; 8:9, 11).
“ ‘Love each other as I have loved you’ ” (John 15:12, NIV). Thedisciple John, who wrote these words, was once not lovable but proud,power-hungry, critical, and hot-tempered (Mark 3:17; Luke 9:54, 55;see also The Desire of Ages, p. 295). Later in life he remembered howJesus had kept on loving him in spite of these traits. Jesus’ love graduallychanged John, enabling him to love others in Christian unity. “We loveHim because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19, NKJV), he wrote, and “ifGod so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11, NKJV).
Read 1 Corinthians 13:4–8. Try placing your name where the word“love” appears. How well does it fit? Ask Jesus to bring these qualities of love into your life by His Spirit. What changes might theSpirit prompt you to make in order to reach this Christian ideal?
“If pride and selfishness were laid aside, five minutes wouldremove most difficulties.”—Ellen G. White, Early Writings, p. 119.
As human beings, our natures have been corrupted by sin. And, perhaps, the greatest example of that corruption is the curse of selfishness.We seem to be born selfish; we can see this reality in small children,whose basic nature is want for themselves. “Me, me, me . . .” By thetime we reach adulthood, this trait can manifest itself in some prettyterrible ways, especially in the home.
Of course, Jesus came to change this (Eph. 4:24). His Word promises us that we, through Him, don’t have to be dominated by thisdestructive character trait. His whole life is a perfect example ofwhat it means to live without selfishness; to the degree we emulateHis life (1 John 2:6), we will overcome the tendency to live only forourselves.
Look up the following texts. What do they tell us about living a life ofselflessness?
As Ellen G. White wrote above, if pride and selfishness were putaside, so many problems could be solved very quickly, long beforethey fester and brew and eventually turn into something nasty. Allmembers of the family, especially the parents, must be purged (Prov.16:6) of this sin at the foot of the Cross (the greatest example in allthe universe of selflessness), even if that means constantly comingback to the Cross and kneeling in prayer, faith, tears, and submission.
How much time are you spending at the Cross fighting againstwhatever selfishness appears in your life? How does this verse (Matt.7:16) help show you if you’ve been spending enough time there?
What counsel does Paul have regarding humility and service in relationships? Eph. 5:21. How do you think this attitude contributes tounity in the church? Why is it so important at home? Eph. 5:22–6:9.
The word submit (Eph. 5:21) means to place oneself humbly beforeanother person on the basis of voluntary choice. This unique principlebegan with Christ (Matt. 20:26–28; John 13:4, 5; Phil. 2:5–8) andcharacterizes all those who are filled with His Spirit (Eph. 5:18).“Reverence for Christ” is what motivates people to submit in this way(Eph. 5:21, NIV). Mutuality in self-giving was, and still is, a revolutionary Christian teaching about social relationships. It brings to lifethe spiritual reality that all are one in Christ, there are no exceptions.
A household principle. The proving ground of Christian submissionis in the home. If this principle is effective there, it will make a dramaticdifference in the church. Paul moves immediately from the introductionof the principle of submission to discuss its application in families.
Three pairs of relationships are addressed in Ephesians 5:22–6:9—the most common yet most unequal relationships in society. The intentis not to reinforce an existing social order but to show how the faithculture of Christ operates when there is a radically different voluntarysubmission of believers to one another.
Why do you think Paul consistently speaks first to those who aresocially weaker in the culture—the wives, children, and slaves?Write the qualifying phrase attached to the submission of each ofthese.
Those with greater social power—husbands, parents, masters—arealways addressed second. Each receives a directive quite uncommon tothe culture. These directives must have astonished the believers of thefirst century. They leveled the ground around the Cross and opened theway for true oneness to be experienced in relationships.
Ultimately, family cohesion and unity rest on the commitmentof family members, beginning with the commitment of the maritalpartners, to care for one another. Sadly, Bible history is strewn withexamples of failed promises, broken trust, and lack of commitmentwhere it should have been present. Scripture also has stirring examplesof ordinary people who, with God’s help, committed themselves tofriends and families and kept their promises.
Look at the following families and their levels of commitment. Howcould commitment have been strengthened in some families? Whatencouraged the commitment shown in the others?
Parent-child commitment (Gen. 33:12–14, Exod. 2:1–10)
Sibling commitment (Gen. 37:17–28)
Family commitment (Ruth 1:16–18; 2:11, 12, 20; 3:9–13; 4:10, 13)
Marital commitment (Hos. 1:2, 3, 6, 8; 3:1–3)
When we commit ourselves to another person, as in marriage or inthe decision to bear or adopt a child, there is a willing surrender of ourfreedom to make a different choice in the future, a surrender of controlover an important segment of our lives. Laws may restrain negativebehavior, but marriage and family relationships need love within themto enable them to flourish.
What does Jesus’ promise of commitment (Heb. 13:5) mean toyou personally? What effect should His commitment to you haveon your commitment to Him, to your spouse, to your children,and to fellow believers?
Friday May 17
Further Thought: Ellen G. White, “A Sacred Circle,” pp. 177–180, inThe Adventist Home; “Unity in Our Work,” pp. 236–238, in Testimoniesfor the Church, vol. 6.
Results of Family Unity. “The first work of Christians is to be unitedin the family. . . .
“The more closely the members of a family are united in their workin the home, the more uplifting and helpful will be the influencethat father and mother and sons and daughters will exert outside thehome.”—Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, p. 37.
The Secret of Family Unity. “The cause of division and discord infamilies and in the church is separation from Christ. To come nearto Christ is to come near to one another. The secret of true unity inthe church and in the family is not diplomacy, not management, not asuperhuman effort to overcome difficulties—though there will be muchof this to do—but union with Christ.”—Page 179.
Discussion Questions:
1 Talk about the forces in your own society that work againstfamily unity. What practical solutions can you offer to a familythat is struggling against these influences?
2 Is there a family in your church right now that has comeapart? If so, what can you do as a class to help each member inthis crisis time?
3 Discuss this whole question of submission. How is it to beunderstood in a Christian context? In what ways has the principlebeen abused?
4 What principles can you see in regard to family unity that canbe applied to the idea of unity in the church, as well?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Gen. 18:11, Jer. 31:25, Matt.11:28, Psalm 127, Prov. 22:6, 1 Sam. 3:10–14, Phil. 3:13.
Memory Text: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, thefruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3, NKJV).
Births are such a common, normal occurrence that often we don’talways fully appreciate the wonder that they are. Imagine whatEve must have felt holding baby Cain in her arms. The changesshe experienced in her growing body during those months, the excruciating pain of childbirth, and then seeing this small child, so muchlike them, yet so defenseless. What an experience it must have beenfor Sarah, in her 90s and way past childbearing age, to contemplateupon the face of her own son, Isaac; she must have laughed every timeshe pronounced his name. After praying for a son for who knows howlong, Hannah held Samuel and said, “ ‘For this child I prayed, and theLord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him’ ” (1 Sam. 1:27,NKJV). The wonder in Mary’s heart, still a young girl, cuddling her son,God’s Son, with a combination of amazement and fear.
At the same time, not everyone has the privilege, and responsibility,that comes with parenting. This week we will spend time exploringthe season of parenting with its challenges, fears, satisfaction, and joy.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, May 25.
Read Genesis 18:11, 30:1, 1 Samuel 1:1–8, and Luke 1:7. What dothese people have in common? How did God answer their longings?
Children are a blessing. But for some reason God doesn’t alwaysbless everyone with children. Some hope and pray for a family, andGod graciously grants their request, sometimes quite miraculously, asin the case of Sarah; others just as fervent in their petitions before God’sthrone are met with deafening silence. Every time they see friendspraise God for their pregnancies and when they welcome their babies, itdeepens the depth of the wound as they consider their empty nest. Evensuch innocent questions as “How many children do you have?” serve aspainful reminders of an exclusive club that those without children areexcluded from, even though they may want to join.
Those who have gone through such an experience should come toaccept that God understands their sorrow. The psalmist declares of God,“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears inyour bottle. You have recorded each one in your book” (Ps. 56:8, NLT).
Even though He seems silent, “the Lord is like a father to his children,tender and compassionate to those who fear him” (Ps. 103:13, NLT).Other people, meanwhile, for various reasons, might choose simplynot to have children. One can understand in a world like ours, so full ofsuffering, pain, evil, and potential calamity, why some might decide notto bring more people into it. In some cases, some people might chooseto adopt children instead of having their own; that way they can raisechildren who are already here, often giving them a chance at a muchbetter life than what they might have otherwise had.
Our world is a complicated place, and we are likely to meet all sortsof people in all sorts of situations in regard to having or not havingchildren. In whatever situation we find ourselves regarding the questionof children, we can live with the assurance of God’s love for us and Hisdesire for our good end. At the same time, too, let’s always rememberto be as sensitive as we can toward people who, for whatever reasons,do not have kids.
Jesus never had any natural children of His own. What lessons, ifany, are there for us in this fact?
One phenomenon the world faces is that of single parents, often butnot always a woman as the single parent.
Sometimes we think of single parents as those who have conceived achild out of wedlock. However, that is not always the case. Hagar waspressured into having a child with Abraham and then was forced toleave with her child (Gen. 16:3, 4; 21:17). Elijah was sent to a villagecalled Zarephath to help a single mother who was a widow (1 Kings17:9). By the time Jesus began His ministry, Joseph, His adoptivefather, had died, leaving Mary a widow and a single parent. “Death hadseparated her from Joseph, who had shared her knowledge of themystery of the birth of Jesus. Now there was no one to whom shecould confide her hopes and fears. The past two months had beenvery sorrowful.”—Ellen G. White, The Desire of Ages, p. 145.
Being a single parent is perhaps one of the most challenging jobsa person can have. Many face difficulties, such as managing theirfinances, dealing with the other parent, or simply having time just forthemselves or to spend with God, and wondering whether they will everbe loved again.
What promises can anyone, including single parents, take from thefollowing verses: Jer. 31:25; Matt. 11:28; Jer. 29:11; 32:27; Prov. 3:5,6; Isa. 43:1, 2?
We as a church have the responsibility to help single parents. Jameswrote, “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this:to visit orphans and widows in their trouble” (James 1:27, NKJV). Onecould add, in principle, “and single parents in their trouble, too.” Thehelp we can offer does not have to be just financial. We could allowthem to have some respite by taking their children for a little while sothey can do other chores, rest, pray, and study God’s Word. We canserve as mentors to their children or help repair things around thehouse. We can be God’s hands in numerous ways to help support singleparents.
Without passing judgment as to how they came to their situation,what specific things can you do to encourage and help singleparents?
Read Psalm 127. What is the basic message of this short psalm? Whatimportant principles should we take away from it for ourselves andhow we live?
When you wish to cook your favorite dish, you follow a recipe. Ifyou add all the needed ingredients and follow all the steps, the majorityof the time you get the desired results. Parenting, though, is not likecooking. No child is exactly like any other child, and even if you doeverything just as you have done with other children, they can turn outdifferent. This may have to do with their gender, the order in whichthey were born, their temperaments, or a host of other reasons. In God’splan, parents would lead and teach their children to love and obey Him(Deut. 6:4–9, Ps. 78:5–7). The directive from God to parents is to“train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6, NKJV), not tohover over children to make sure they never make any wrong decisions.
While we want to see our children go from cuddly, defenseless littlepeople to independent, successful adults, our ultimate responsibility isthat they come to know, love, and serve Jesus Christ. As parents, we canfollow the plan for the spiritual development of our children outlinedin Deuteronomy 6. There are four important prerequisites: That werecognize “the Lord our God” (Deut. 6:4), that we love Him fully fromthe heart (Deut. 6:5), that we treasure His Word (Deut. 6:6), and thatwe share with our children what we know about Him (Deut. 6:20–23).
Deuteronomy 6 continues on to provide two important principles.First, the “teach-talk” principle (Deut. 6:7). Teaching refers to formaleducation, while talking refers to informal instruction. In both cases,the communication of biblical truth takes place within the setting of theparent-child relationship. Formal times of teaching can happen duringfamily worship as we study God’s Word with them. Informal teachingarises spontaneously in the circumstances of day-to-day life and is evenmore important. Everyday incidents can become effective vehicles forcommunicating biblical truth (Gen. 18:19). The second is the “bindwrite” principle (Deut. 6:8, 9). Spiritual truth must be bound up in ouractions (“hand”) and attitudes (“head”), but also it must be inscribed inour private (“doorposts”) and public (“gates”) lives. It must move fromour hearts into our homes and from our homes into the world.
Read Genesis 18:18, 19 and 1 Samuel 3:10–14. Contrast these twofathers. What were the results of their parenting styles?
Parents have a responsibility to be the disciple-makers of their children, so they will become disciples of Jesus themselves. There areparents who believe that the way to teach and correct their children isby applying physical punishment—the more, the better (Prov. 22:15,23:13, 29:15). Passages like these have been misused to abuse childrenand force them into total submission, but often that also has led torebellion against their parents and God.
The Bible teaches parents to govern with kindness (Eph. 6:4, Col.3:21) and to instruct children in righteousness (Ps. 78:5, Prov. 22:6,Isa. 38:19, Joel 1:3). As parents we ought to provide for our children(2 Cor. 12:14) and set a good example for them to follow (Gen. 18:19,Exod. 13:8, Titus 2:2). We are told to direct our households well (1 Tim.3:4, 5, 12) and to discipline our children (Prov. 29:15, 17) while at thesame time reflecting God’s love (Isa. 66:13, Ps. 103:13, Luke 11:11).
Sadly, the Bible reveals stories of parenting gone wrong. Isaac andRebekah played favorites with their sons, Esau and Jacob (Gen. 25:28),and later Jacob displayed the same attitude toward Joseph (Gen. 37:3).Eli, even though he was a religious leader, failed to correct his children(1 Sam. 3:10–14). Samuel, who also was raised by Eli, turned out to bea very deficient father himself (1 Sam. 8:1–6). King David, by committing adultery and ordering a murder, taught his children who followedhis example. King Manasseh sacrificed his children to demons (2 Kings21:1–9), as did King Ahaz (2 Kings 16:2–4).
Fortunately, however, we also find in the Scriptures some examplesof good parenting. Mordecai was a wonderful adoptive father toHadassah, Queen Esther (Esther 2:7), and Job prayed for his childrenregularly (Job 1:4, 5). In all of these examples, good and bad, we canglean lessons on parenting.
What can we learn from the examples of parenting that we seein the Bible? In what ways can we use some of these principles inour interactions with those who are not our children?
Read Proverbs 22:6. What is your understanding of this passage? Isthis a guarantee, a promise, or a probability?
Sometimes as a parent you do everything you should—spend timeteaching your children the right things, live according to your knowledge of God, send them to good schools, attend church regularly,become involved in mission work with them—and they end up leavingthe faith in which you raised them. The amount of pain is excruciating,and there is not a moment of rest from your concern for their salvation.The cause is not necessarily the parent’s fault. Children have minds oftheir own and are ultimately responsible to God for their actions.
Some have taken the words “when he is old he will not depart fromit” as a promise, a guarantee that proper parenting will always result intheir child’s salvation. But Proverbs often gives us principles and notalways unconditional promises. What we can take out of this text isthe assurance that the lessons learned in childhood will last a lifetime.Every child reaches an age when they either accept the heritage of theirparents as their own or reject it. Those parents who were careful toprovide their children with godly training have the assurance that whatthey taught their children will always be with them, and if or when theirchildren walk away, the seeds they planted in their hearts will continuously be in them calling them home. Being a good parent is our choice;how our children turn out is theirs.
What should a parent do when a child goes astray? Turn your children over to God in earnest prayer. If anybody understands your pain,it is God, whose children, by the billions, have turned their backs onHim, the perfect Parent. You can support your prodigals with love andprayer and be ready to stand alongside them as they wrestle with God.
Don’t be too embarrassed to ask for support and prayer, don’t blameyourself, and don’t be so focused on the prodigal that you forget therest of the family. Parenting a prodigal can divide your household; so,build a unified front with your spouse and set clear boundaries for yourchild. Remember that God loves your child more than you do, look toa brighter future, and accept that your child is God’s work in progress.
It’s only natural in such a situation to blame yourself. And evenif you have made mistakes, why is it better to focus on the futureand on the promises of God? See Phil. 3:13.
Friday May 24
Further Thought: “You should take time to talk and pray with yourlittle ones, and you should allow nothing to interrupt that season of communion with God and with your children. You can say to your visitors,‘God has given me a work to do, and I have no time for gossiping.’ Youshould feel that you have a work to do for time and for eternity. You oweyour first duty to your children.”—Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home,pp. 266, 267.
“Parents, you should commence your first lesson of discipline whenyour children are babes in your arms. Teach them to yield their willto yours. This can be done by bearing an even hand, and manifestingfirmness. Parents should have perfect control over their own spirits,and with mildness and yet firmness bend the will of the child until itshall expect nothing else but to yield to their wishes. Parents do notcommence in season. The first manifestation of temper is not subdued,and the children grow stubborn, which increases with their growth andstrengthens with their strength.”—Ellen G. White, Testimonies for theChurch, vol. 1, p. 218.
Discussion Questions:
1 What does it mean to be a “child” of God? How are we tounderstand that image, and what comfort can we draw from it?
2 One father, soon after his children were born, said the following: “I’ve learned two great theological truths within the first fewyears after my children were born. The first is the reality of freewill; the second, the reality of sinful human nature.” How mightyoung children have taught him these truths?
3 When is the appropriate time to help shape the will of children? How should this be done? How can we shape the will of ourchildren according to God’s plan when we have not fully submitted ourselves to His will?
4 Dwell more on the question of single parenthood. What arepractical ways that your church, as a whole, can help single parents and the children they are seeking to raise on their own?
5 What are ways to encourage parents whose children havestrayed from the faith?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Mark 5:22–24, 35–43; 1 Pet.5:6, 7; Gen. 37:17–28; Luke 16:13; Rom. 6:16; 1 Cor. 15:26.
Memory Text: “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I havesuffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I maygain Christ” (Philippians 3:8, NKJV).
The moment Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of theknowledge of good and evil, they experienced their first loss,the loss of innocence. And this lost innocence was replaced withselfishness, conflict, blame, and a desire for control and supremacyover each other.
Shortly after the Fall, they witnessed the first loss of life when theywere given animal skins to cover their nakedness. Banned from accessto the tree of life lest they would eat and live forever, they also losttheir perfect garden home, and years later they lost their son, Abel, atthe hands of his brother, Cain. In the end, one of them lost their spouse,and finally the surviving partner lost his or her own life. So many lossescame as a result of one decision.
Yes, we all know the reality, and pain, of loss, and most of us feel itthe deepest when this loss strikes us in the family. And no wonder, forin the family we have our closest bonds; thus, loss there, in its manyvaried forms, hits us the hardest.
This week, as we continue to look at family life, we will look at it inthe context of the various times of loss.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 1.
We are thousands of years from the tree of life; and we all feel it,too, especially when it comes to our physical health. Sooner or later,unless we are killed when young by trauma, we all come to the harshreality of the loss of health.
And, as difficult as the loss of health is, how much more painfulwhen it strikes, not just ourselves, but someone in our own family?How many parents have, especially as they have dealt with an illchild, wished it had been them, the parent, who was sick instead ofthe child? Unfortunately, we are not given that choice.
What do all these accounts have in common? Mark 5:22–24, 35–43;Matt. 15:22–28; Luke 4:38, 39; John 4:46–54.
In each of these cases, and no doubt in so many more, it was afamily member beseeching Jesus’ help for another family member.
No question, we recognize that we suffer because we live in a fallenworld. When sin entered the world, not only did death enter, but alsochronic pain, illness, and disease. When faced with a chronic or terminal illness, we may experience shock, anger, despair, and may evenfeel like shouting, “My God, my God, why have you deserted me?Why are you so far away? Won’t you listen to my groans and come tomy rescue?” (Ps. 22:1, CEV). As David did, we’d do well taking ourquestions, anger, and pain to God.
In many ways, sickness and suffering will remain a mystery until deathis finally defeated at Jesus’ return. At the same time, we can glean important truths from God’s Word. While Job endured unspeakable pain, heexperienced a deeper intimacy with God. He explains, “I heard about youfrom others; now I have seen you with my own eyes” (Job 42:5, CEV).Paul had some sort of chronic illness, and how he dealt with it tells us thatsuffering can equip us to comfort others, it can give us compassion forothers who are hurting, and it can enable us to minister more effectively(2 Cor. 1:3–5); that is, if we don’t allow it to break us.
Whether we or family members are suffering with illness, whatpromises can we claim? Why, at times like this, is the reality ofJesus, our Lord, suffering on the cross so important to us? Whatdoes Jesus on the cross teach us about God’s unfailing love, evenamid illness in our family?
We are all sinful, dysfunctional people who at some time will proveourselves to be untrustworthy to someone who trusted us. And whohasn’t been the victim of someone else’s betrayal of our trust? And, ashard as such a loss of trust can be, it’s always so much worse when webetray, or are betrayed, by a family member.
Sometimes it may seem easier to cut our losses and run when wedecide the relationship isn’t worth the effort of rebuilding. Of course,it’s not so easy when it’s a family member, such as a spouse. You couldeven say that one of the purposes of marriage is to teach us the lessonof how to rebuild trust when it is broken.
When trust in a relationship has been compromised, how can bothtrust and the relationship be healed and saved? 1 Pet. 5:6, 7; 1 John4:18; James 5:16; Matt. 6:14, 15.
Rebuilding broken trust is like a journey; you must take it one stepat a time. The journey begins with a sincere acknowledgment of thehurt and confession of the truth, whatever the offense and whoever theoffender.
When adultery has been the cause of the breach, healing begins whenthe betrayer confesses. As part of the healing process, confession mustaccompany complete openness on the part of the betrayer. There can benothing that remains hidden, or else, when it is found out (and it willbe found out), it will destroy the trust that was reestablished. And thesecond time trust is breached, it becomes even harder to heal than thefirst breach was.
Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. The more serious theoffense, the more time it will take for it to be repaired. Accept the factthat sometimes it’s going to feel as if you are moving two steps forwardand three steps backward. One day it seems like there’s hope for tomorrow, and the next day, you feel like running away. Many have, however,been able to rebuild their broken relationship and developed a deeper,more intimate, more satisfying, and happier marriage.
What principles in healing a marriage can be used in the casesof other kinds of broken trust? At the same time, what might bea situation in which, though there is forgiveness, there is no moretrust, nor should there be?
Another way that trust is lost is through family violence. Unthinkableas it is, research reveals that the home is the single most violent placein society. Family violence touches all kinds of families, includingChristian homes. Violence is an assault of any kind—verbal, physical,emotional, sexual, or active or passive neglect—that is committed byone or more persons against another in the family.
The Bible includes accounts of family violence, even among God’s people. What are your thoughts and feelings as you read these verses?Why do you think these stories were preserved in Scripture?
Abusive behavior is the conscious choice of a person to exercisepower and control over another. It cannot be explained or excused byalcoholism, stress, the need to fulfill sexual desires, the need for bettercontrol of anger, or any behavior of the victim. Victims are not responsible for causing the abuser to abuse. Abusers distort and pervert love,for “love does no harm” (Rom. 13:10, NIV). Professional treatment canfacilitate change in an abuser’s behavior but only if the person takesresponsibility for the behavior and seeks such help. To those who willopen themselves to His presence, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly to help abusers stop abusing, to repent of their attitudes andbehavior, to make restitution in every way possible, and to embracethe qualities of agape love to heal their own hearts and to love others(compare Eph. 3:20).
Try to put yourself in the place of someone traumatized by violence. What words of acceptance, comfort, and hope would youlike to hear? Why is it important to provide safety and caringacceptance rather than offering advice about how to live betterwith the abuser?
God alone knows how many millions, even billions, of peoplestruggle with some form of addiction. To this day, scientists still don’tunderstand exactly what causes it, even though in some cases theyactually can see the part of our brain in which the cravings and desiresare located.
Unfortunately, however, finding the locations of those addictions isnot the same thing as freeing us from the addictions.
Addiction is hard on everyone, not just the addict. Family members—parents, spouses, children—all suffer greatly when any member of thefamily is under the grip of a power that they just can’t seem to get freeof.
Drugs, alcohol, tobacco, gambling, pornography, sex, even food—what makes these things into addictions is the habitual and progressivenature of their use or abuse. You are unable to stop even when youknow that it is harming you. While enjoying your freedom of choice,you become a slave to whatever you are addicted to, and so you actuallylose your freedom. Peter has a simple explanation of what an addictionis and its results: “They promise freedom to everyone. But they aremerely slaves of filthy living, because people are slaves of whatevercontrols them” (2 Pet. 2:19, CEV).
What are the things that can lead people into addiction? Luke 16:13,Rom. 6:16, James 1:13–15, 1 John 2:16.
Sin and addiction are not, necessarily, the same thing. You can commit a sin that you are not addicted to, though so often it can turn intoan addiction. How much better, through the power of God, to stop thesin before it turns into an addiction. And, of course, the only lastingsolution to the sin and addiction problem is by receiving a new heart.“Because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelingsand desires” (Gal. 5:24, CEV). Paul also explains to the Romans whatit means to die to that sinful, addictive nature so we can live for Christ(Rom. 6:8–13), and then adds, “Let the Lord Jesus Christ be as near toyou as the clothes you wear. Then you won’t try to satisfy your selfishdesires” (Rom. 13:14, CEV).
Who has not personally known the struggle of addiction, either ourselves or in that of others, maybe even family members? How canyou help people realize that it’s not an admission of spiritual failureif, even as Christians, they might still need professional help?
As human beings, we know the reality of death. We read about it,we see it, and we maybe have even come close to facing it ourselves.
Read 1 Corinthians 15:26. How is death described, and why is itdescribed this way?
Who, having lost a loved one, doesn’t experience for themselvesjust how great an enemy death is? On the other hand, the dead have it“good.” If, in the Lord, they close their eyes and in what seems like aninstant to them, they are raised to immortality. “To the believer, death isbut a small matter. . . . To the Christian, death is but a sleep, a momentof silence and darkness. The life is hid with Christ in God, and “ ‘whenChrist, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with Himin glory.’ ”—Ellen G. White, The Desire of Ages, p. 787.
No, it’s the living, especially the remaining friends or family members,who know the real pain and grief following a death. The fact is that griefis a natural, normal response to loss. It is the emotional suffering weexperience when something or someone we love is taken away.
The grieving process is not the same for everyone, but in generalmost people go through several stages. The first and most commonreaction to the death of a loved one is shock and denial, even whenthe death is expected. Shock is your emotional protection from beingtoo suddenly overwhelmed by the loss, and it may last from two tothree months. You also may go through a time when you are constantlyabsorbed by thoughts of your loved one, even during common, dailytasks. Often conversations turn to your loss or loved one. This periodmay last from six months to a year.
The stage of despair and depression is a long period of grief, probably the most painful and protracted stage for the griever, during whichyou gradually come to terms with the reality of your loss. During thisstage, you may experience a range of emotions, such as anger, guilt,regret, sadness, and anxiety. The goal of grieving is not to eliminate allyour pain or the memories of your loss. In the final stage of recovery,you begin to have a renewed interest in daily activities and to functionnormally from day to day.
What comforting thoughts can you find in the following passages? Rom. 8:31–39, Rev. 21:4, 1 Cor. 15:52–57.
Friday May 31
Further Thought: Many have suffered as a result of their addictions.They have become slaves to their desires and have lost their money, theirjobs, their health, and their freedom. But Jesus came to give us freedomfrom our sin and from all our addictions, and “ ‘if the Son makes youfree, you shall be free indeed’ ” (John 8:36, NKJV). Jesus also promised that He would always be with us (Matt. 28:20, Isa. 43:2); so, wedo not have to wage this war alone. In fact, we must remember that thebattle is the Lord’s (1 Sam. 17:47), and He promises victory (1 Pet.1:3–9). Today you can begin on the road to victory over any addictionand receive the freedom you desire and what God wants for you. Thisdoesn’t mean you won’t struggle, and it doesn’t mean that, at times,you won’t fail. But the good news is that as long as you don’t give upon the Lord, He won’t give up on you. And yes, there’s nothing wrongwith seeking professional help, too. Just as the Lord can use a medicalprofessional to help you with health problems, He can use a professionalcounselor to help with addiction, as well.
“When difficulties and trials surround us, we should flee to God, andconfidently expect help from Him who is mighty to save and strong todeliver. We must ask for God’s blessing if we would receive it. Prayeris a duty and a necessity; but do we not neglect praise? Should we notoftener render thanksgiving to the Giver of all our blessings? We needto cultivate gratitude. We should frequently contemplate and recountthe mercies of God, and laud and glorify His holy name, even when weare passing through sorrow and affliction.”—Ellen G. White, SelectedMessages, book 2, p. 268.
Discussion Questions:
1 What part does forgiveness play in loss of trust and in the healing of a broken relationship? Matt. 6:12–15; 18:21, 22. “Love . . .doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do” (1 Cor. 13:5, CEV).
2 What is the benefit of contemplating and recounting the mercies of God while we’re passing through sorrow and affliction?
3 What are practical ways your church family, as a whole, canhelp those who are struggling with any kind of loss?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Matt. 7:5; Eph. 1:7; Phil.2:4–8; Eph. 4:26, 27; James 1:19, 20; Col. 3:19; Matt. 7:12.
Memory Text: “ ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun godown on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26, NKJV).
Even the best of homes will face times of struggle, times of conflict. It’s just one of the facts of life in a fallen world. Simplethings, such as whose turn it is to take out the trash, whether yourteenage daughter finished her homework, whether your son has donehis chores, are bothersome but relatively minor issues that can, generally, be resolved with minimal disruption. But other issues can threatento disrupt family life. The mother-in-law whose abuse and manipulation threatens to destroy a woman’s marriage and her health; the fatherwith mental illness who abuses his children; the son who abandons allhis religious upbringing to give himself to a promiscuous lifestyle; orthe daughter who becomes a substance abuser.
Repeatedly in the New Testament we are told to love one another(John 13:34, Rom. 12:10), to live in peace and harmony with oneanother (Rom. 15:5, Heb. 12:14), to be patient, kind, and tenderheartedtoward one another (1 Cor. 13:4), to consider others before ourselves(Phil. 2:3), and to bear one another’s burdens (Eph. 4:2). Of course, allthis is easier said than done, even with our own family members. In thislesson, we will look at some ways to help mollify little times of trouble,especially in the family.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 8.
Read Matthew 7:5 and Proverbs 19:11. What two important principles can help us avoid conflict with others?
The writer of Proverbs makes a very astute observation: “The start ofan argument is like a water leak—so stop it before real trouble breaksout” (Prov. 17:14, CEV). Once begun, a conflict can become incrediblyhard to shut down. According to Romans 14:19, we can prevent conflictby following after two things: that which makes for peace and that withwhich one may edify another. How much more so are these principlescrucial to harmony in the family?
Sometimes when you admit your responsibility in a conflict, it maycause the other party to soften. Take a step back and consider if it’s evena worthy battle. Proverbs states, “Those with good sense are slow toanger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19:11, NRSV).At the same time, consider what difference this is going to make in yourlife in three days. Better yet, what impact will it have in 5 or 10 years?How many marriages, for instance, have had difficult times over issuesthat today seem so trivial?
Instead of letting conflict drag on for a long time, as you speak withthe other person, a spouse, a child, a friend, a coworker, you may wantto clearly define the problem or issue under discussion and stay onthe immediate topic. Conflict often deteriorates when the issue thatstarted the conflict gets lost in angry words; meanwhile, past issues orpast hurts are tossed into the mix (this can be deadly, especially to amarriage). One way to have a better and softer start to the discussionis to affirm your relationship. Let the other person know that you caredeeply about them and about your relationship. Once you have statedyour positive feelings, you can move to the issue at hand; however, becareful not to use the word but. Stating a positive thought and then saying “but” negates what you just stated. Once you share your feelings,listen to the other person’s perspective, reflect on what he or she hassaid, and only then propose a solution that keeps everyone’s best interests in mind (Phil. 2:4, 5).
Think back about some conflicts that now appear so silly andmeaningless. What can you learn from those experiences thatcould help prevent, at least from your side, something similarfrom happening again?
Marriage, like the Sabbath, is a gift of God to humanity that goesback to Eden. And, as Seventh-day Adventists, we know what theenemy of souls has done, and is still doing, to both the Sabbath andto marriage. Even the best of marriages are, at times, going to sufferfrom conflict.
What follow are a few principles that can help couples work throughthese issues.
Read Ephesians 1:7. What crucial principle is found here that must bepart of any marriage?
You must learn to forgive, especially when your spouse doesn’t deserveit. Anyone can forgive the deserving: in fact, that’s hardly forgiveness.True forgiveness is forgiving those who don’t warrant it, the way theLord forgives us through Christ. We must do likewise. Otherwise, ourmarriage, if it survives (which isn’t likely), will seem like purgatory.
Read Romans 3:23. What crucial principle is found here, as well?
You must accept that you’re married to a sinner, to a being who hasbeen damaged to some degree emotionally, physically, and spiritually.Get used to it. Accept your spouse’s faults. Pray your way throughthem. You might have to live with those faults, but you don’t have toobsess over them. If you do, they will eat you alive. A holy and perfectGod, through Christ, accepts us as we are: you, who are hardly holy andperfect, must do the same with your spouse.
Read Philippians 2:4–8. What important principle here, as well,can we use that can help us, not just in marriage but in all potentially troublesome relationships?
Who hasn’t experienced anger at one point or another? What makesit harder is when that anger is directed at a family member. Along withrefusing to forgive, anger can turn into a poison that will wreak greatpain and suffering on the home and family and relationships in general.
Read Ephesians 4:26, 27 and Ecclesiastes 7:9. How can we balance ourunderstanding of anger as an emotion and anger as a sin? What isthe difference?
What does James say in James 1:19, 20 that we should apply at alltimes that we can—but especially when dealing with family members whose actions and attitudes and words make us angry?
If you’re angry about something, instead of letting it hover like adark cloud over your life, turn it into something positive. Pray for thosewho hurt and abuse you, forgive them and become a blessing to them.It probably won’t be easy at first, but when you make the decision andstick with it, God will take care of the rest.
Sometimes the root of anger stems from the homes we grew up in.Angry people often come from angry families because they learn fromtheir role models and carry on the same behavior in their own lives,eventually passing it on to their children. At times anger may be theresult of unmet needs or due to jealousy, as was Cain’s case, which ledto the murder of his brother.
You may have a good reason to be angry, but don’t use it as an excuseto stay that way. Don’t deny it or try to justify it. Instead, ask God to helpyou deal with it in a positive way. The apostle Paul gives us good advice:“Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good” (Rom. 12:21, CEV).
We all have things that anger us, even to the point of pain. And,in some cases, we probably are justified in that anger. The question is, How can we, through the power of God, not let that angermake us, and others around us, miserable?
Sometimes unresolved conflict and anger may develop into a verynegative, destructive dynamic, even an abusive relationship. Abuse cantake a number of forms—physical, verbal, emotional, psychological,sexual, et cetera. But any form of abuse is contrary to the central principle of God’s kingdom—unselfish love.
What crucial teachings about relationships are found in 1 John 4:7, 8and Colossians 3:19?
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col.3:19, NIV). The word harsh in the original Greek language refers toone’s being angry or bitter toward the partner, causing continued pain,intense hostility, and expressions of hatred toward the other. Paul isvery clear that a spouse is not to be hostile or violent. Emotional,sexual, and physical abuse is not acceptable behavior for a Christianhusband or partner. Instead, what is acceptable is to love your spouse.Paul also makes it clear that love is patient and kind and that love doesnot envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking,is not easily angered, does not keep record of wrongs, does not delightin evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts,always hopes, and always perseveres. None of the attributes of loveeven remotely condones or accepts abuse in any way, shape, or form.
A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel protected andsafe, in which anger is managed in a healthy way, and in which servingone another is the norm. Often victims of abuse feel guilty, as if theywere responsible for provoking their abuser or that perhaps they somehowdeserve the abuse they receive. Abusers can be quite controlling and oftenskillful at making their victims feel responsible. The truth is that no onedeserves to be abused by another, and abusers are responsible for their ownchoices and actions. The good news is that the Bible offers comfort, notguilt, for the victims of abuse. In some situations, in which the problemgets unmanageable, people should not be afraid to seek outside help.
How unfortunate that some cultures all but condone abuse ofwomen. Why should no Christian ever fall into that kind ofbehavior, regardless of what their culture allows?
“Treat others as you want them to treat you. This is what the Lawand the Prophets are all about” (Matt. 7:12, CEV). Think about allthe ways in your own experience, within the family and without,in which you need to apply this principle, and, on the lines below,write down just what those times might be and determine, by faith,how you can do just that.
The writer of Hebrews counseled, “Pursue peace with all people, andholiness, without which no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14, NKJV).Even when we take all the steps necessary, some people who have hurtus will still not listen and change. Perhaps some may offer an apology,but others will not. Either way, it is to our benefit, especially when it isa family member, that we take the journey of forgiveness talked aboutearlier.
In fact, forgiveness is an essential part of conflict resolution, especially in the family. When a person sins against us, God’s enemy lovesto place a wall between us and that person, a roadblock that prevents usfrom loving that person as Christ loved us. Forgiveness is a choice thatwe make to get around that roadblock.
“We are not forgiven because we forgive, but as we forgive. Theground of all forgiveness is found in the unmerited love of God, but byour attitude toward others we show whether we have made that love ourown. Wherefore Christ says, ‘With what judgment ye judge, ye shall bejudged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to youagain.’ Matt. 7:2.”—Ellen G. White, Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 251.
At the same time, when we are the ones at fault, we need to try torestore the broken relationship with another person, which may involvegoing to the other person and telling him or her that you regret whatyou’ve done and asking for their forgiveness. That’s what Jesus said:“So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember thatsomeone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift toGod” (Matt. 5:23, 24, CEV). It is nice when someone who has hurt usapologizes and asks for forgiveness. Likewise, it is nice when we giveothers the same type of care.
How does thinking about all that you need to be forgiven of helpyou learn to forgive others?
Friday June 7
Further Thought: “Too often the parents are not united in their familygovernment. The father, who is with his children but little, and is ignorantof their peculiarities of disposition and temperament, is harsh and severe.He does not control his temper, but corrects in passion. The child knowsthis, and instead of being subdued, the punishment fills him with anger.The mother allows misdemeanors to pass at one time for which she willseverely punish at another. The children never know just what to expect,and are tempted to see how far they can transgress with impunity. Thus aresown seeds of evil that spring up and bear fruit.”—Ellen G. White, TheAdventist Home, pp. 314, 315.
“Home is to be the center of the purest and most elevated affection.Peace, harmony, affection, and happiness should be perseveringly cherished every day, until these precious things abide in the hearts of thosewho compose the family. The plant of love must be carefully nourished,else it will die. Every good principle must be cherished if we wouldhave it thrive in the soul. That which Satan plants in the heart—envy,jealousy, evil surmising, evil speaking, impatience, prejudice, selfishness, covetousness, and vanity—must be uprooted. If these evil thingsare allowed to remain in the soul, they will bear fruit by which manyshall be defiled. Oh, how many cultivate the poisonous plants that killout the precious fruits of love and defile the soul!”—Pages 195, 196.
Discussion Questions:
1 Read the following quote from a book about marriage. “ ‘Forwe have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feelingof our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yetwithout sin’(Heb. 4:15). Just as Christ put Himself in our situation,to best relate to us, we should do the same with our marriage partner. Try to view any given situation or crisis not just from your ownperspective but from your spouse’s. See how he or she views thesituation, how it has an impact on him or her, and why he or shewould feel about it the way he or she does. This principle can go a longway in alleviating tough situations.”—Clifford Goldstein, The MulesThat Angels Ride (Hagerstown, Md.: Review and Herald®PublishingAssociation, 2005), p. 25. In what ways can we apply this principleto all areas of potential conflict with others?
2 In class, answer the question, “Is anger always a sin?” Defendyour position.
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Acts 10:1–28, 34, 35; 1 Cor. 2:2;1 Thess. 5:21, 22; John 1:12, 13; 3:7; 1 John 5:1.
Memory Text: “Therefore . . . let us run with endurance the racethat is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher ofour faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throneof God” (Hebrews 12:1, 2, NKJV).
No matter what stage of life we are in, or what we have beenthrough or will face down the road, we exist against the background of culture. Our parents, our children, our homes, ourfamilies, even our church—all are impacted by the culture in which theyexist, and greatly, too. Though other factors were at play, the change ofthe Sabbath to Sunday was a powerful example of how the culture of thetime, powerfully and negatively, influenced the church. Every time wedrive by a church and see a sign for Sunday services, we are given a starkreminder of just how far-reaching the power of culture can be.
Christian families confront cultural challenges all the time.Sometimes the cultural influences can be good; most times, though,the influence is negative.
The great news is that the power of the gospel gives us light, comfort,and strength to deal with the challenges that culture can bring. Thisweek we will look at how we can be “families of faith” as we seek to“become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in themidst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine aslights in the world” (Phil. 2:15, NKJV).
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 15.
As the gospel circles the globe, Christians encounter different culturesand practices, many of which pertain to family and social relationships.One of the great questions for Christian missionaries is in regard to howthey should relate to various cultural norms about many things, includingfamily relationships they might personally find uncomfortable.
Read Acts 10:1–28, 34, 35. What can we learn here about our need toovercome our own barriers and prejudices when dealing with othercultures?
Christ’s death was for the sins of every human being everywhere.Many people simply do not know this great truth yet. To bring this newswith an invitation to respond is the evangelistic mission of Christians.Because God shows no partiality, Christians are called to treat everyonewith respect and integrity, giving them a chance to embrace the goodnews that is for them, as well.
What conclusions did early Christian missionaries reach regarding thepresentation of the gospel to other cultures? What principle can wedraw from these texts? Acts 15:19, 20, 28, 29; 1 Cor. 2:2; 1 Thess.5:21, 22.
Though every culture mirrors the fallen condition of the peoplewithin it, cultures also may have beliefs that are compatible withScripture, even useful to the cause of the gospel. The value placed uponclose relationships in family and community in many parts of the worldis an example. Christians can uphold and strengthen that which is goodand in keeping with biblical principles.
At the same time, God’s truth must not be compromised. Churchhistory sadly shows that compromise and accommodation to cultureshas yielded a patchwork of pseudo-Christian beliefs posing as authentic Christianity. Satan claims to be the god of this world and happilyspreads confusion, but Jesus has redeemed this world, and His Spiritguides His followers into all truth (John 16:13).
How much of your faith is shaped by your culture, and how muchis biblical truth? How can you learn to discern between the two?Be prepared to discuss your answer in class.
“For I know him, that he will command his children and hishousehold after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to dojustice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham thatwhich he hath spoken of him” (Gen. 18:19).
Though they might come in various configurations, families are thebuilding blocks of society; thus, many distinct cultural traits of varioussocieties are directly tied to family. For instance, in one ancient culture itwas deemed a man’s responsibility to eat the corpses of his dead parents;in another, a man who wanted a bride had to bring her father a dowry ofshrunken heads from a rival tribe. Even in modern times, ideas relating tochildren, courtship, divorce, marriage, parents, and so forth vary widely.As we spread our message to these various cultures, we have to learn howto relate to them in ways that, while not compromising our beliefs, don’tcause unnecessary problems. At the same time, and closer to home, wehave to be very aware of just what cultural influences impact our families.
In what ways did culture impact family life in the following examples?What principles can we learn from these examples?
None of us live in a vacuum; all of us and our families are impacted bythe culture in which we live. Our responsibility as Christians is to existwithin our culture the best we can, keeping that which is in harmony withour faith, while shunning, as much as possible, that which conflicts with it.
What things in your particular culture are helpful to family lifeand in harmony with the Bible? What things are not? How canyou best adapt your faith to your culture without compromisingessential truths?
Change is an inescapable, unsettling occurrence in families,regardless of whatever culture they live in. Some change is related topredictable passage through the life cycle. Often change is unpredictable, such as deaths, disasters, war, illnesses, family moves, or careerfailures. Many families face economic and social changes in theircommunities and countries. Other changes are directly related to theculture.
Below are some examples of great, even traumatic, changes peoplefaced. Using your imagination, put yourself in their positions. Howdid these changes impact their family life? What mechanism wouldyou have to help cope? In what ways might you have reacted differently?
• Abraham, Sarah, and Lot (Gen. 12:1–5)
• Hadassah (Esther 2:7–9)
• Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (Daniel 1)
With change comes the experience of loss and the anxiety of uncertainty as to one’s immediate future. Depending on a family’s ability toadjust to changes, these experiences can propel people to new levels ofgrowth and appreciation for spiritual things, or they can lead to stressand anxiety. Satan exploits the disruption changes bring, hoping tointroduce doubt and distrust in God. The promises of God’s Word, theresources of family and friends, and the assurance that their lives werein God’s hands helped many heroes and heroines of faith cope successfully with momentous life upheaval.
If you know someone (or even a whole family) who is facing atraumatic change, do something in a practical way to give themsome help and encouragement.
What crisis of faith developed in Israel after Joshua and his peersdied? Judg. 2:7–13.
Studies of how values and beliefs in organizations such as churches aretransmitted to subsequent generations show that the founders have veryhigh levels of commitment to the beliefs. They were the ones who firstchampioned them. Within a generation or two, many lose sight of theprinciples behind the values. They may go along with the organization—but often from habit. In subsequent generations, habits tend to crystallizeinto traditions. The founders’ passion is no longer present.
It has been said that God has no grandchildren, only children. What doyou think that means? See also John 1:12, 13; 3:7; 1 John 5:1.
A common approach to transmitting values through long generationsof Christianity has been for older ones simply to tell the youth whatthey believe. Learning what one’s parents believe or what the churchbelieves is not personal faith however. Being a Christian is more thanbelonging to an organization with a history and a dogma. True faithisn’t something genetic, isn’t something that is passed on naturallyfrom one generation to another. Each one needs to know Christ for himself or herself. Parents can do only so much. The church as a whole, andparents in particular, need to do all they can to create an environmentthat will make young people want to make that right choice, but, in theend, a generation is saved or lost for the gospel one person at a time.
Joe, coming out of atheism, joined the Seventh-day AdventistChurch as an adult after a powerful conversion experience. Hemarried an Adventist woman and had a few children, whom they,of course, raised in the faith. One day, thinking about the spiritual condition of his children, he said, “Oh, if only my childrenwould have the experience that I had!” If you had been there,what would you have said to him?
In his popular Bible paraphrase The Message, Eugene Peterson uses“message” wherever the biblical word for “gospel” appears. The goodnews about Jesus is truly the message still needed by the world today.Christian families are called to experience it together and to share it inwhatever culture they live.
How would you summarize “the message” using the following texts?Matt. 28:5–7; John 3:16; Rom. 1:16, 17; 1 Cor. 2:2; 2 Cor. 5:18–21.
The earliest news the disciples ran everywhere with was of the resurrection of Jesus. Christian families today join a long line of runnersproclaiming, “ ‘He is risen,’ ” as He said (Matt. 28:7, NKJV). The realityof His resurrection makes credible everything else Jesus said aboutHimself, about God and His love for sinners, about forgiveness, andabout the assurance of eternal life by faith in Him.
Passionate about the gospel. Scripture gives glimpses of the gospel’ssweeping effect on the lives of Jesus’ early followers. They opened theirhomes for Bible study; they prayed and ate together, shared money andresources, and took care of each other. Whole households embraced themessage. Were they suddenly flawless people? No. Were there someconflicts and discord among them? Yes. But somehow these followersof Christ were different. They acknowledged their needs for God andfor each other. They put a priority on unity and harmony at home andat church, endeavoring to fulfill the Gethsemane prayer of Jesus (John17:20–23). They witnessed to each other and to unbelievers with boldness, even putting their lives at risk for their beliefs.
So must it be for us. Even in the current age, jaundiced as it is towardgodly things, people who are excited about something still get a hearing. The Spirit longs to fill human hearts with excitement about thegospel. When the good news really becomes as good in our hearts as itis within the Word, sharing will be spontaneous and unstoppable.
What changes might need to be made in your own family thatcould help it be a better harbinger of “the message” we have beencalled to share?
Friday June 14
Further Thought: Ellen G. White, “In the Court of Babylon,”pp. 479–490, in Prophets and Kings; “Words of Caution,” pp. 324,329; “No Respect of Persons With God,” pp. 330, 331, in GospelWorkers; “Rejoicing in the Lord,” pp. 115–126, in Steps to Christ.
No respect of persons with God. “The religion of Christ uplifts thereceiver to a higher plane of thought and action, while at the sametime it presents the whole human race as alike the objects of thelove of God, being purchased by the sacrifice of His Son. At the feetof Jesus, the rich and the poor, the learned and the ignorant, meettogether, with no thought of caste or worldly preeminence. All earthlydistinctions are forgotten as we look upon Him whom our sins havepierced. The self-denial, the condescension, the infinite compassionof Him who was highly exalted in heaven, puts to shame human pride,self-esteem, and social caste. Pure, undefiled religion manifests itsheaven-born principles in bringing into oneness all who are sanctifiedthrough the truth. All meet as blood-bought souls, alike dependentupon Him who has redeemed them to God.”—Ellen G. White, GospelWorkers, p. 330.
Discussion Questions:
1 As a class, discuss your answers to Sunday’s study.
2 What principles can we find in the Ellen G. White quoteabove that, if applied, would revolutionize our family lives?
3 How well has your local church done in nurturing theyounger generation of believers? What can you as a class do tohelp the church in this important task?
4 What are the challenges of trying to pass on faith to anothergeneration?
5 In what ways does the culture you live in impact your familylife for good, and in what ways does it impact it for evil?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Isaiah 38; 39; 1 Cor. 7:12–15;1 Pet. 3:1, 2; Heb. 6:12; 13:7; 3 John 11; Isa. 58:6, 7, 10, 12.
Memory Text: “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into Hismarvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9, NKJV).
Perhaps we have reached a stage when, thanks be to the Lord, ourlives are (at least for now) going well: family is fine, work is fine,health and finances are, too. Or maybe not? Maybe your home,for now, is in pain, turmoil? Either way, when someone comes to visityour home, like emissaries from Babylon who visited King Hezekiah,what answer could be given to the question that the prophet Isaiah laterasked the king: “ ‘What have they seen in your house?’ ” (Isa. 39:4,NKJV).
What have people seen in your house? What have heavenly angelsseen? What kind of spirit permeates our residences? Can one “smell”the scent of prayer? Is there kindness, generosity, love, or tension,anger, resentfulness, bitterness, and discord? Will someone who’s therewalk away thinking Jesus is in this home?
These are important questions for all of us to ask ourselves regarding the kind of home that we have created. This week we will look atsome of the issues that can make for a wonderful home life, despite theinevitable tensions and struggles that homes today face.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 22.
Read the account of Hezekiah’s healing and the visit of the Babylonianambassadors. 2 Chron. 32:25, 31; Isaiah 38; 39.
Scripture points out that the messengers were interested in the miraculous recovery of King Hezekiah. However, Hezekiah seems to have beensilent about his healing experience. He didn’t emphasize the things thatwould have opened the hearts of these inquiring ambassadors to theknowledge of the true God. The contrast between his gratitude for beinghealed in chapter 38 and his silence about it in chapter 39 is striking.
“God left him to test him.” This state visit was a most significant occasion; yet, there is no record of Hezekiah seeking special guidance about itin prayer from prophets or from priests. Nor did God intervene. Alone, outof the public eye, with no consultation with spiritual advisers, Hezekiahapparently let the work of God in his life and in the life of his nation recedefrom his mind. The intent of the historian in 2 Chronicles 32:31 may havebeen to show how easily God’s blessing can be taken for granted and howprone the recipients of His mercy are to becoming self-sufficient.
Below are some lessons about faithfulness in home life that can begleaned from the experience of Hezekiah. What others can youthink of?
Every visit to the homes of Christians is an opportunity for people tomeet followers of Christ.
Few visitors are likely to open conversation about spiritual things.Christians must find ways that are sensitive and appropriate to the occasion to share the good news.
Christians are not called to show off their material prosperity oraccomplishments, though they may recognize these as blessings fromGod. They are called to “declare the praises of him who called youout of darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Pet. 2:9, NIV), or, to useHezekiah’s experience as a symbol, to declare that they were dying, butChrist has healed them: they were dead in sin, and Christ resurrectedthem and seated them in heavenly places (Eph. 2:4–6).
In what ways are you able to use your home to witness to others?How could you share your faith in Christ more forthrightly withvisitors to your home?
The most natural first recipients of our gospel-sharing endeavors arethe people in our households. There is no more important mission fieldthan this.
What conclusions can be drawn from John 1:40–42 about sharingfaith at home? See also Deut. 6:6, 7; Ruth 1:14–18.
An enthusiastic report. Andrew went beyond mere reporting; he arrangedfor his brother, Simon, to meet Jesus. An enthusiastic report about Jesus andan introduction to Him as a person—what a simple formula for sharing thegospel with relatives in our homes! After the introduction Andrew steppedback. From then on, Jesus and Peter had a relationship of their own.
Helping children to a place of faith. Children in a home can often beoverlooked as fitting recipients of gospel-sharing efforts. Parents mistakenly assume children will simply absorb family spirituality. This mustnot be taken for granted. While children and young people learn from themodeling they observe, it also is true that these younger members of theLord’s family need individual attention and opportunity to be personallyintroduced to Him. Deuteronomy 6 is insistent on this point: Attention mustbe given to the most effective kind of religious education. Regular spiritualhabits of personal and family worship are to be encouraged in the home.Time and earnest efforts must be put forth on behalf of children and youth.
What can we learn from the evangelistic efforts of Naomi? Ruth 1:8–22.
Ruth saw Naomi at the lowest of moments: when she tried to pushher daughter-in-law away and when, angry and depressed, she lashedout against God as she recounted her losses (Ruth 1:15, 20, 21). Nomore eloquent testimony than Ruth’s can be given to show that youthcan meet and make a commitment to a perfect God, even when introduced to Him by an imperfect parent.
How does the notion of home as the most important mission fieldaffect your attitude toward the people who live with you? Worktogether as a family to prepare a list of specific efforts your familycan make to lead unsaved relatives to Christ.
What counsel does the New Testament have for marriages divided byreligion? 1 Cor. 7:12–15; 1 Pet. 3:1, 2.
The blessing of being a Christian partner. In 1 Corinthians Paulresponds to converts’ concerns that staying married to an unbelievingspouse might be offensive to God or bring defilement upon themselves and their children. Not so, says Paul. The sacred state of marriage and its intimacies are to continue after a partner’s conversion.The presence of one Christian partner “sanctifies” the other partnerand the couple’s children. The word sanctifies should be understoodin the sense that unbelieving spouses come into contact with theblessings of grace through living with their Christian partners.
Heartrending as it is, the unbelieving partner may decide to abandonthe marriage. Though consequences will be serious, the merciful word ofour God—who always upholds human freedom of choice—is “let him doso.” The believer “is not bound in such circumstances” (1 Cor. 7:15, NIV).
Called to live in peace. The clear preference of the Word of God isthat despite the challenges of a spiritually divided home, a way mightbe found for the peace of Christ to reign there. The hope is to keepthe marriage intact, to give evidence of the triumph of the gospel inthe midst of difficulty, and to promote the comfort of the partner withwhom the believer is one flesh, though he or she be unbelieving.
What might be the limitations of a spouse’s responsibility towarda nonbelieving partner?
Loving-kindness, unwavering fidelity, humble service, and winsomewitness on the part of the believer create the greatest likelihood of winning the non-Christian spouse. Submission in a Christian marriage arisesout of reverence for Christ (compare Eph. 5:21). When a spouse relateswith Christian submission to an unbelieving partner, the first allegianceis always to Christ. Faithfulness to the claims of God on one’s life doesnot require a spouse to suffer abuse at the hands of a violent partner.
Is someone in your church struggling with an unbelieving spouse?If so, in what practical ways could you possibly help?
In the following verses, trace the New Testament uses of the words “follow” (KJV) or “imitate” (NIV). What do they tell us about the processof becoming a Christian and growing as a Christian? What do youthink they suggest about the relationship between modeling and witnessing? 1 Cor. 4:16, Eph. 5:1, 1 Thess. 1:6, Heb. 6:12, 13:7, 3 John 11.
The New Testament emphasis on imitation acknowledges the important role of modeling in the learning process. People tend to becomelike whom or what they watch. This principle applies to relationshipsgenerally and especially in the home, where imitation is common.There children imitate their parents and siblings; married partnersoften imitate one another. This concept provides an important clue tohow couples and families can bear Christian witness to other couplesand families.
The power of social influence. We witness from our homes when weprovide opportunities for others to observe us and to share in our homeexperience in some way. Many simply have no good example of marriage or family relationships to follow. In our homes they may see howthe spirit of Jesus makes a difference. “Social influence,” wrote EllenWhite, “is a wonderful power. We can use it if we will as a means ofhelping those about us.”—The Ministry of Healing, p. 354.
As married couples invite other couples for meals, fellowship, orBible study, or when they attend a marital growth program together, thevisitors see a model. The display of mutuality, affirmation, communication, conflict resolution, and accommodation of differences testifies offamily life in Christ.
In this context, however, of what must we always be careful? Jer. 17:9,John 2:25, Rom. 3:23.
Follow believers who follow Christ. All human examples are flawed;however, the witness of the Christian home is not about modelingabsolute perfection. The New Testament notion of imitation is a callfor individuals to follow believers who follow Christ. The idea is thatindividuals will grasp Christian faith as they see it demonstrated in thelives of others who are as human and fallible as they are.
What could you do to make your home a better model for Christian witnessing?
Compare biblical references on hospitality with actual incidents inthe homes of several Bible families listed below. Isa. 58:6, 7, 10–12;Rom. 12:13; 1 Pet. 4:9. Note the attributes of hospitality that aredemonstrated.
Abraham and Sarah (Gen. 18:1–8)Rebekah and her family (Gen. 24:15–20, 31–33)Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1–9)
Hospitality meets another person’s basic needs for rest, food, and fellowship. It is a tangible expression of self-giving love. Jesus attachedtheological significance to hospitality when He taught that feedingthe hungry and giving drink to the thirsty were acts of service done toHim (Matt. 25:34–40). Using one’s home for ministry may range fromsimply inviting neighbors to a meal to the radical hospitality of lending a room to an abuse victim. It may involve simple friendliness, anopportunity to offer prayer with someone, or the conducting of Biblestudies. True hospitality springs from the hearts of those who havebeen touched by God’s love and want to express their love in wordsand actions.
Families sometimes complain that they lack the facilities, the time,and/or the energy to offer hospitality. Others feel awkward, unskilled,and unsure about reaching beyond what is familiar in order to associatewith unbelievers. Some wish to avoid the complications to their livesthat may arise from becoming involved with others. Many contemporary families confuse hospitality and entertaining.
In what ways does your home life reflect your own spiritual condition?
Friday June 21
Further Thought: Ellen G. White, “A Powerful Christian Witness,”pp. 35–39; “Attitude Toward an Unbelieving Companion,” pp. 348–352,in The Adventist Home; “Ministry of the Home,” pp. 349–355, in TheMinistry of Healing; “The Ambassadors From Babylon,” pp. 340–348,in Prophets and Kings.
The power of the home in evangelism. “Far more powerful than anysermon that can be preached is the influence of a true home uponhuman hearts and lives. . . .
“Our sphere of influence may seem narrow, our ability small, ouropportunities few, our acquirements limited; yet wonderful possibilities are ours through a faithful use of the opportunities of our ownhomes.”—Ellen G. White, The Ministry of Healing, pp. 352, 355.
Discussion Questions:
1 Ask anyone in class if it were the influence of someone’s homethat helped them make a decision for Christ. Discuss just what itwas that made such an impression. What can the class learn fromthat experience?
2 In what practical ways can you as a class minister to a familywith an unbelieving spouse?
3 As a class, talk about some of the pressures in the home thatwork against faith. Write up a list of some of these things; thenacross from them, write down possible solutions.
4 The private lives of Christians are a means of witness to children, unbelieving spouses, other relatives, and visitors. While faithsharing at home may not always be as complete as one wouldlike or result in the conversion of relatives and visitors, imperfectfamily members seek to point the way to a perfect Savior. Throughgenerous hospitality expressed in the Savior’s name, they bringwithin the realm of grace all whose lives they touch. Think aboutthe influence of your home on those who come to visit. What couldyou do to make it a better witness of faith for all who step withinyour doors?
Sabbath Afternoon
Read for This Week’s Study: Mal. 4:5, 6; Matt. 11:14, 15;17:10; 1 Kings 16:29–17:24; 1 Kings 18:20–45; Matt. 3:2.
Memory Text: “ ‘Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophetbefore the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. Andhe will turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heartof the children to their fathers; lest I come and smite the earth witha curse’ ” (Malachi 4:5, 6, NKJV).
Our lives are lived in stages. Sometimes those stages are goingwell; sometimes not. Sometimes families are intact and strong;sometimes they are fragile or even shattered.
Whatever the phase, whatever the stage, whatever the condition ofourselves or our family at the moment, we can and must live in thelight of God’s promises, clinging to them with all our heart and soul andmight because, in the end, they are our only hope. But what a great hopethey are. The Word of God exudes promises, promises that, whateverstage our life or our family is in, we can claim for ourselves, our lovedones, our family, and our church.
In this, the final week of the quarter, we are going to look at someBible stories, promises, and experiences from a variety of contexts. Aswe do, we will seek to draw lessons for ourselves today, whatever ourcontext happens to be. For, most likely, whoever you are, wherever youare, whatever the phase of your life, you have struggles, fears, worries.Fortunately, we worship a God who not only knows what we face butwho is, we can be sure, ahead of them all, as well.
* Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 29.
Compare the prediction of the coming of Elijah with New Testamentreferences to this event. Mal. 4:5, 6; Matt. 11:14, 15; 17:10; Mark6:15; Luke 1:17.
In the days of Malachi, God’s appeal to the nation, “ ‘Return to Me,and I will return to you,’ ” met with the arrogant response, “ ‘ “In whatway shall we return?” ’ ” (Mal. 3:7, NKJV). The frustrated prophetannounced that one further opportunity for revival would be given.Recalling the heart-turning reform begun by Elijah (1 Kings 18:37),Malachi predicted his coming again to “ ‘turn the hearts of the fathersto the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers’ ” (Mal.4:6, NKJV).
A Jewish tradition developed that Elijah would appear personally asthe herald of the Messiah (compare Matt. 17:10, Mark 6:15). However,the New Testament presents John the Baptist as a fulfillment of theprophecy (Matt. 11:14, 15; Luke 1:17).
What do you think the phrase “turn the hearts” means?
Several applications are possible for this phrase: It refers to the reconciliation of the people of Israel with the Lord. God as Father (Isa.63:16) has turned from His wrath toward His children (Mic. 7:18, 19)and calls them to return to Him (Isa. 44:22, Mal. 3:7). It refers to thereconnecting of later generations with their faithful ancestors throughcovenant renewal. The prophetic call for God’s people to follow thefaith of the patriarchs was given repeatedly in the Old Testament.Whether the land continued as a blessed dwelling place was directlyrelated to covenant faithfulness (Deut. 4:29–31). It refers to the restoration and renewal of family relationships. Parent-child relationshipsare a practical expression of covenant faithfulness with God. Here, too,fulfillment of responsibilities to parents and children are interwovenwith continued inheritance of the land and God’s blessing (Prov. 2:21).
What is the connection between a restored relationship with Godand restored relationships in our families? Why must one precedethe other?
The introduction of Baal worship into Israel by Jezebel, the Sidonianwife of King Ahab, hastened the nation’s downward moral slide. Theteachings of God that uplifted marriage, family, and sexuality wereovershadowed by such practices as incest, prostitution, and other sexualperversions. Into this arena of conflict over worship stepped Elijah,whose very name, “Jehovah is my God,” rebuked Baal.
What experience of Elijah associated him with overturning heathenbeliefs and bringing new life to families? 1 Kings 16:29–17:24;compare Luke 4:25, 26.
Elijah was a marked man after announcing the curse of drought uponthe land. God sheltered him in an unlikely place—at a poor widow’sdwelling in Zarephath of Sidon, near Jezebel’s hometown. Elijah greetedthe widow with a grim test: to use her last bits of kindling, oil, and flourto feed him and to trust God for her future. Her faith became legendary.Jesus Himself would later commend her (Luke 4:26). As her oil and mealstretched out over many days, the woman came to understand more aboutJehovah. Then, tragically, her only son fell sick and died. In expressingher grief to Elijah, she reflected the familiar religion around her, the perverted beliefs that now engulfed Israel, in which one’s sin could requirechild sacrifice (1 Kings 17:18; compare Jer. 19:5, Mic. 6:7).
What effect did the reunion with her son have upon the Phoenicianwidow’s spiritual experience? 1 Kings 17:24. What can we learnfrom her comments?
The mother’s response reveals the effect of the Elijah message. Faithin God and His Word arises in the heart as, by His power, life is restoredand the family is reunited. Many today may give assent as doctrinesare preached but are lukewarm in their spiritual experience. However,when the truths of God’s Word are experienced personally and revivaland restoration occur in home relationships, conviction comes ever somuch more powerfully upon the heart.
What are some family reunions that you are still waiting for?What promises of God are you clinging to that give you hope ofthat reunion?
Read 1 Kings 18:20–45. Write out on the lines below what, essentially,this whole episode is about. Though the context is totally different,how can the principles seen in this story apply to family life?
On Mount Carmel, Elijah longed for covenant renewal on the part ofhis nation, a turning back to the faith of their fathers that would bringhealing to their lives, their homes, and their land.
The hour of the evening sacrifice. After the heathen priests’ failurewith their sacrifice, Elijah took his turn. He was deliberate. The time ofday drew attention to God’s redemptive plan revealed in the sanctuaryservice (compare Exod. 29:41). The invitation “ ‘Come near to me’ ”(1 Kings 18:30, NKJV) reminds us of the Savior welcoming sinners(compare Matt. 11:28). Parents who are pained at the waywardness of achild can be assured that God loves him or her as truly as He loved theIsraelites. God works unceasingly to draw wayward ones to Him.
Elijah’s focus on Jehovah’s altar finds its equivalent in our time whenJesus and His saving grace are uplifted in families. Family worship isan opportunity to talk to Him in prayer, to speak of Him to one another,to receive anew His free gift of salvation, and to give our hearts time toreflect on His teachings.
The response Elijah requested would signal that God had takenthem back to Himself. First Kings 18:37 says that “ ‘this people mayknow . . . You have turned their hearts back to You again’ ” (NKJV).We cannot turn our hearts to God; we can respond only to His grace,and that He freely gives.
The all-consuming fire fell, not upon the guilty but upon the sacrifice, pointing forward to Jesus, who was made “sin for us, that wemight become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Cor. 5:21, NKJV).Confession and praise burst from the people’s lips. Because they didnot respond to God’s call, the false priests were executed. Then refreshing rains ended the curse upon the land.
In what condition is your home “altar”? In what specific wayscan you “rebuild the altar” in your home, if indeed it needs somerebuilding?
Alongside Gabriel’s prediction (Luke 1:17) and Jesus’ confirmationof him as the predicted Elijah (Matt. 11:14; 17:12, 13), the Gospelwriters affirm that John the Baptist was the “messenger” who wouldprepare the way of the Lord (Matt. 11:10, Mark 1:2, Luke 7:27; compare Mal. 3:1).
Note the main aspects of John’s message. In what way was his messageone of “heart turning”? Matt. 3:2, 8; 14:4; Mark 1:4; Luke 3:3, 8, 9,11, 13, 14.
Like a farmer who plows hard ground to prepare it to receive seed,John denounced sin and urged sinners to repent. Human nature is suchthat, without self-examination, without an awareness of one’s true condition, no need is felt for something better. His message turned peopletoward the holiness of God’s requirements and their need of His perfectrighteousness. Genuine repentance is always marked by humility andlooking to God for help to change one’s behavior. By exposing the shallow, self-centered hypocrisy of those who claimed Abraham as theirfather, he sought to open the deeper meaning of the faith of their fathers.
How did the message of John the Baptist prepare the way for Jesus?John 1:35–37, 3:27–30.
John had been shown that Jesus was the Lamb of God. When heintroduced Jesus this way (John 1:29, 36), he literally turned peopleto the Lord. Andrew and another of John’s disciples, John, the Gospelwriter who wrote the account of that day, left the Baptist’s side andbecame Jesus’ disciples. Not only does the Elijah message point to theneed for repentance; it identifies the One who saves from sin, generatesexcitement about Him, and introduces people to Him.
If John the Baptist were to step into your home, what do youthink he would be saying to you?
In a sense, we as Adventists see ourselves in the role of John theBaptist. The herald of reform and repentance sought to prepare the wayfor the first coming of Jesus; we, as a movement, see ourselves doingthe same for the Second Coming.
Read prayerfully Luke 1:17. How do these words capture our message?
Our heavenly Father has turned the hearts of His children back toHimself and has turned the hearts of His children to each other throughthe Cross of Christ. The Elijah message pleads with families to believethis incredible good news (2 Cor. 5:18–21; compare Eph. 2:11–18)and to be people filled with grace as His Spirit yields a harvest of lovein them.
The world needs desperately a demonstration of unselfish, caring,lasting commitment—and unswerving devotion to God. By God’sgrace Christian families can provide such a demonstration. Yet, wemust remember that the message we have for the world also is for ourselves. Until the principles of gospel, unity, love, and self-sacrifice aremade manifest among us, especially in our own families, we will bepowerless to share this message with others. All the eloquent sermons,all the logic and biblical presentations, aren’t enough: The world needsto see manifest in our lives, especially in our family lives, the repentance, the turned hearts, the love, and the commitment we preach about.Just as John the Baptist had a power that changed lives and made hispreaching effective, we can do the same through the grace of God—butonly to the degree that we are willing to cooperate.
We are, through Jesus, part of the family in heaven (Eph. 3:15). Thus,whether we are a family of one or more, we are called to be witnessesfor the God we profess to serve, and nothing can make our witnessmore effective than to show the world what a family, regardless of itssize, can be through the power of the gospel.
What can you do, in a special way, to show those closest to you,whether immediate family or someone else, that you love andcare about them?
Friday June 28
Further Thought: Ellen G. White, “Carmel,” pp. 143–154, in Prophetsand Kings; “The Voice in the Wilderness,” pp. 97–108, in The Desire ofAges.
“Our message must be as direct as was that of John. He rebukedkings for their iniquity. Notwithstanding the peril his life was in, henever allowed truth to languish on his lips. Our work in this age mustbe as faithfully done.”—Ellen G. White Comments, The SDA BibleCommentary, vol. 4, p. 1184.
Discussion Questions:
1 As a class, discuss the relevance of the Elijah message to yourlocal church. What can you do to help your church understand themessage and the church’s role in helping to spread it?
2 Have those who are willing share with the class their own personal experiences of having their “hearts turned.” What changescame about? What effect did this experience have upon their livesand the lives of their families?
3 If we see ourselves in the role of John the Baptist, what shouldwe expect to happen to us? What is the implicit message in thatanswer?
4 As a class, work on a paragraph, a kind of “Declaration ofFamily Principles,” that best encapsulates what the biblical ideafor a family is. What criteria would you use to help craft thoseprinciples? What have you learned this quarter that might havehelped you in establishing what these principles might be? Beprepared to share it with the whole church.
5 What promises can you as a parent claim for children who, atleast at this stage, have run away from the Lord?